Guruji Speaks - WTF

Ladies and Gentle horses,

Guruji will now address you all, do get started.

[Q] RVG asks - Guruji, I am a movie maker in my part of the world. We usually copy successful formulas and trends from Hollywood and create local blockbusters, adding local cultural context such as item-numbers. Now the trend there is super-hero duets. I would like to make one on those lines. Could you please recommend me a numerologically auspicious name for this movie ?

[A] Guruji - Son, firstly movie makers in your part of the world asking advice from spiritual gurus is like flu-viruses seeking inspiration from cancer cells.Nevertheless, Guruji advises you to title it “Shaktiman vs Batty-man” in alignment with your present social context.

[Q] MRK asks - Guruji, I am a lawmaker in my part of the world. Recently we coined a new slogan “Hail Goddesses Motherland” to pay homage to our motherland. But many of our citizens are refusing to chant the same saying they don’t visualize motherland as a goddesses. Doesn’t it clearly amount to sedition ? Shouldn’t such people be expelled from the country or put in jail ?

[A] Guruji - Son, while personifying your motherland as a goddesses / mermaid / pole-dancer is creative, trying to enforce that image on others is philosophically palaeolithic. Even worse if you have emigrated and naturalized the said golden goddesses (along with her pet cat) from her colonial avatar. If your objective is to pay homage to your motherland, Guruji advises you to stop spitting on her and stop stealing from her hard-earned tax money.

[Q] Kishan asks - Guruji, I am a university student. Lately there is some civil unrest in my part of the world that is some way or other connected to campus politics. Is student-politics good for our future ?

[A] Guruji - Son, in a society such as yours where adult politics itself is in a mucky, monkey state, students politicking around will be like crapping into an unflushed closet - adding more filth, more stink. Guruji’s advice to all of you in the universities is to aim for securing a brighter future and direct your time and resources on activities towards that - such as getting wacky haircuts done or watching Bollywood item numbers.

[Q] Kamala asks - Guruji, it is about my college going son, he has no interest in his academics, he is only interested in getting weird hair-styles done and watching 3rd class movies, influenced by some leech-brained loser who advises him. As parent, I would like to find out what his talents are and guide him to choose a career accordingly. Can you please advise how to go about ?

[A] Guruji - Dear Kamala, the best way to know where your son’s talent lies is to follow his lies. If he lies a lot about the past, he will become a historian. If he is lying about the present, he will become a good salesman. If he lies about future, he will become a political leader. If he lies in all three tenses, chances are that he will become a spiritual guru.

[Q] Meera asks - Guruji, this is an era where spiritual gurus are doing brand building through advertising campaigns or global meets. Why do we not see any such activities from your holy bottom ? Isn’t it important for the rest of the world to learn about your revolutionary spiritual practices and snake oil medicines?

[A] Guruji - Dear Meera, you are right. Towards this Guruji’s ashram will be hosting the first ever “World Torturing Forum”(WTF) this summer, for promoting peace and communal harmony. In this event, different kinds of cultural activities from around the world such as mudslinging, honor-killing, head chopping, TV news debates, Bollywood item-dances etc will be showcased to build awareness on torturing among people.

[Q] Meera asks - This is great to know, when and where will the WTF be organized?

[A] Guruji - Dear, the biggest challenge with organizing something of this size is the funding and infrastructure. The ashram is waiting to secure a few escapable bank loans and encroachable river banks for hosting WTF. Once they are ready, the dates will be officially announced through our key sponsors such as environmental agencies and mental asylums.

[Q] Asma asks - Guruji, unprecedented levels of divisive  propaganda being spread around the world these days and people have no hesitation to kill even innocent children - in the name of faith, politics, geographic boundaries and what not. Why are we in this state today? Who are responsible for all these ? Is it the religions, the politicians, or technology or something else?

[A] Guruji - Dear Asma, you are right, humanity is going through one of its toughest times ever. There is only one person to blame for this - the dumb-witted mother nature. She should have known the consequences of giving limited intelligence to a savage monkey species and expecting them to take care of this planet.

Children, Guruji has to take leave now to attend to few of his disciples who are waiting for darshan in the form of his unwashed laundry. Your concerns and queries shall be addressed by him another time, another place and may be in another life.

Guruji Speaks - Women’s Day

Ladies, Gentlemen and Nation-builders,

Guruji has arrived and placed his holy bottom on the dais, do get started with your concerns and concoctions.

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, do we really need to celebrate a special women's day?

[A] Guruji - Son, it is unfortunate that you are asking such a question, it only indicates the male-chauvinistic traits that some of us men possess even in 21st century. We definitely need a day to recognize, regard and reward our women, otherwise history will not be kind on us, we will be labelled a generation that didn’t sell women’s accessories.

[Q] Judi asks - Guruji, many a priest in my religion conduct faith healing sessions. Is there in any truth in faith healing?

[A] Guruji - Of course dear, Guruji himself had been a faith-healer in his previous avatar. The truth about faith healing is that such faith is a condition that needs healing.

[Q] Mitun asks - Guruji, I'm getting married soon, I would like to know what is the best way to keep my marriage successful, without arguments or fights ?

[A] Guruji - Son, marital matters are better addressed by materialists or martial arts experts than monks. However he will tell you this much that conflicts are inexorable in any marriage, unless it is between your smartphone and it's charger. The key to have a successful marriage is not about having no fights, but about winning it. If you win, your marriage lose and vice versa.

[Q] Anonymous Journalist asks - Guruji, some people say that around 70% of people in rural parts of my country have no toilets. Isn't this worrisome, that the governments are doing nothing about it?

[A] Guruji - Dear AJ, it is not the job of the government to peep into people's bottoms and find where are they defecating. Governments got other important things to do for it's needy and poor watch, suite and suite-case sponsors. Also, one must know that it is a very good thing that your population is defecating in public, as that is the proof that there is no poverty in your welfare state. If they poop, they ate. 

[Q] Sameer asks - Guruji, why do some people believe that god wants to eliminate people belonging to other faiths ? Don’t they have common sense to understand that if god is god, he could do it himself and need not appoint third party rectums for it ?

[A] Guruji - Son, Guruji is afraid you are the one having lack of common sense here to ask such a question. If god was god, he/she wouldn't have allowed procreation of such rectums is more commonsensical an argument.

[Q] Guruji, I belong to a society that was under foreign rule for last few centuries. Now we are determined to regain our past glory. What is your advice for us, where do we start ?

[A] Guruji - Son, this is a noble thought indeed, to regain you past glory. Guruji would advise you to not try to regain just the glory of few hundred years but to go back further and try to regain the tail that you lost in the great battle of evolution. Also, before the said few centuries, your very forefathers used to kill each other and rape your fore-mothers and fore-sisters in the name of territorial ownership, try to regain that glory as well on your way back, you have Guruji's blessings.

Ok children, Guruji got to take leave now. He shall meet you same place, same time next month - unless his holy bottom gets stung by anti-national ants or their nationalist-aunts by then.

Guruji Speaks - Asstrology

Ladies, Gentlemen and Brand Ambassadors!

Guruji has been in deep meditation for many decades to acquire advanced knowledge in astrology. He has been enlightened by the heavens on many dimensions of astrology hitherto unknown to humanity that he will now practice for the betterment of society and it will be called “Asstrology” hereafter. In today’s special darshan, Guruji will provide asstrological advice to you all on your personal and professional problems. Do keep the following vital information ready - the subject’s date and time of birth, birth-place, mother’s maiden name and credit card details and start your questions.

[Q] Meera asks - Guruji, how does one’s mother’s maiden name and credit card details influence her/his future?

[A] Guruji - Dear Meera, there are many facets of cosmic influences on human life that Guruji has discovered and developed in Asstrology. With these two factors an enlightened one like Guruji can give a lot of insight into a person’s life, unlike the birth date-time that can only help predicting their age. Especially a lot of insight can be made into her bank account with that information and hence they are vital to predict one's future as well.

[Q] Sudhakar asks - Guruji, my son was born on 8th of January, 1990 around 6.30 PM in Chennai. Can you please tell me when should he marry, what kind of a girl should we look for him ?

[A] Guruji - Son Saudagar, your son’s birth chart shows Ketu in 1st house, Mangala in 5th house and more importantly the 3rd house has a college going girl he is after. This is not at all a suitable time for him to get married as Shukra is in the 7th house, in the form of the currently minor girl’s kickboxer brother. Hence Guruji advises him to wait for a planetary alignment such that Shukra moves out of 7th house.

[Q] Mr.X asks - Guruji, I am a popular film actor in my part of the world, I have been asked by the government to be the brand ambassador of the country’s tourism initiatives. Is it a good time to pick this up?

[A] Guruji - Son X, Guruji analysed your horoscope, you have Ketu in 11th house, Rahu in 5th house, and a relatively crowded 6th house with nearly every other planet in the solar system which means you are going through astrologically dirty waters currently. Also brand ambassadorship is a double edged closet, means it can spill your own filth on to you if things go wrong. Guruji advises you to advise your government to stop running behind movie actors as a one stop solution to all its publicity needs.

[Q] Mr. Y asks - Your Holiness, you have special powers to help the needy and poor brand ambassadors I understand. I am a famous sports personality in my part of the world and take up brand ambassadorship for virtually anything that comes my way and got into trouble recently when I was portrayed as a godly avatar of branding. Have I done anything wrong?

[A] Guruji - Son, there is nothing wrong in being a brand ambassador god as gods themselves are nobody but brand ambassadors of their respective cults. In other words, brand ambassadors are to brands as gods are to religions - mute mascots. So continue to do your ambassadorial karma and pocket the millions while your stars are shining. Keep your lawyers and political friends happy, things will be fine, you have Guruji's blessings.

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, a comedian recently got arrested for mimicking a spiritual leader. In the wake of this, what is your advice to comedians ?

[A] Guruji - Son Max, cannibalism is not suitable for primate species, hence Guruji urges comedians and clowns to stop mimicking each other to make a living.

Ok children, Guruji got to take leave now as the space scientists in his part of the world are waiting outside to seek his aastrological advice before launching their new satellite. He will meet you soon, unless he gets arrested for mimicking primatel expressions and thereby hurting the feelings of apeophiles.

Guruji Speaks - God's Guards

Ladies, Gentlemen and Political Sports Administrators,

Guruji’s holy-bottom has been placed on the dais for the special new year holy-darshan. Do get started with your doubts and concerns.

[Q] Leela asks - Guruji, I'm totally confused about this whole thing of democracy in my country. What is wrong when in opposition turns right when in power and vice versa across political parties. Who should I vote next time ?

[A] Guruji - Dear Leela, it is not a problem of democracy as a system but that of the society practising it which still spits and litter in public places, yet cry that the government is inefficient. On the question of who you should vote next time, Guruji advises you to wait till the elections. Media cheerleaders (or cheer-strippers, depending on which angle you look from) in your part of the world will decide it and issue you instructions accordingly.

[Q] Shyam asks - Guruji, I notice that in general women are more religious than men. I deduced it by observing that there are more temple, church going women than men in my part of the world. Why are women more pious traditionally?

[A] Guruji - Son, firstly Guruji advises you to get out of that roadside wall you are sitting counting temple-church going women and SPEND YOUR TIME TO DO SOMETHING MORE MEANINGFUL IN LIFE. Now to answer your question , traditionally no sane woman was religious as all the religions were created by men for their own convenience, one of them being keep women away in the kitchens and bedrooms (in that order). However no social setup can exist without  mass support, hence women were asked by their male masters to follow the order and pray and women fell prey. Since they are more committed to what they do, women became more religious over a period of time.

[Q] Shyam asks - Your Holiness, in that case what is your advice to  today's religious women?

[A] Guruji - The same (capitalized) advice Guruji gave you before holds good for them as well. 

[Q] Sevak asks - Guruji, I am a member of a self-service society, whose objective is to protect our religion and faith by lynching those whom we think are hurting our religious sentiments. Am I doing the right thing ?

[A] Guruji - Son Sevak, you indeed are doing a noble deed, of protecting the gods who have lately turned into a bunch of numb, hapless, unresponsive cement / stone structures or bookish heroes. You are their only hope, that with all the blood you sprinkle in their name will motivate and wake them up one day and they will start bestowing fortune and happiness all over you and your fellow members. 

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, I read somewhere that you are on a mission to modernize astrology and give it a new dimension all together. How is it coming up, what will be your version of astrology known as in future?

[A] Guruji - Son, it is ready and this new advanced branch of astrological studies will be called “Asstrology” 

[Q] Divya asks - Guruji, which is a better form of democracy - one lead by a president or a prime minister ?

[A] Guruji - Either form can work well dear, it all depends on how good the president or the prime minister is; as a showboat.

[Q] Ram asks - Guruji, what is your new year’s message to us disciples ?

[A] Guruji - Son, there is no new year or old year for an unworldly, spiritual person like Guruji. Calendars are mere tools created by humans to mark worldly events. A new year's day happens because of another cosmological spinning of our tiny planet like any other day. But in general his advice to all his disciples at the moment is to drink lot of water along as well.

Ok children, time for Guruji to take a break to drink some water, may his blessings and care be with you all. He will meet you here soon, unless he get roughed up by some or other god’s guards by then.

Guruji Speaks - Again

Ladies, Gentlemen and their leaders,

Guruji’s asshram is happy to announce you that his holiness has found some time to converse with you all again. His holy bottom is placed on the dias, you may now raise your doubts, grievances and concerns.

[Q] Manoj asks - Guruji, you were not giving darshan for a very long time. Were you on a long pilgrimage or a long maun-vrat?

[A] Guruji - None my son! With the arrival of welfare state in his part of the world, he was busy executing the executive and execution powers that his spiritual bottom was vested with by the government.

[Q] Ram asks - Then Guruji, why have you decided to descend from the throne to talk to us now?

[A] Guruji - Things now stand changed my son; With some eternally conceived sons of a lady with canine bloodline in the media brought up this issue that fake degrees cannot be considered degrees any more and his holiness who was in possession of few  had to surrender his executive powers until the government amend the present law(lessness) such that any degree, including their primate-pedigree should be considered valid and valuable if it is bestowed on a V.I.P. In the meanwhile, Guruji decided to sit back, relax and spend his free time enlightening his disciples.

[Q] Kumar asks - Guruji, It is said that wheels are man’s greatest invention and has changed the course of human life. Can you explain?

[A] Guruji - Son, this is true and for multiple reasons. One was that invention of wheels made man realize the power of rotational motion, a knowledge that was hitherto common sense and was known only to women and children. Also by inventing wheels, man realized that many things can be “invented” and inventions can keep him away from being asked to go out and hunt in the super-market. Also once wheels were invented, man had to invent many more things to place his bottom on it and keep it running steady - such as engines, air-bags, cup-holders etc. In summary, the invention of wheels dramatically changed man’s life until mid 20th century, by when TV remote was invented.

[Q] Smita asks - Guruji, you are an immortal who has seen many many yugas of human life. Recently an eminent personality claimed that aircraft were operational from around 7000 years in his part of the world. Can you confirm whether this is correct?

[A] Guruji - Affirmative dear, in fact some of those 7000 year old crafts are still operational in those parts of the world, they call it the “national carrier” (“Push-Pack Vimaan” in Sanskrit). In fact the cabin crew hired around the same time are still manning, womaning them as well !

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, if spiritual gurus have real spiritual powers, why do you all run charitable hospitals, can’t you just faith heal people?

[A] Guruji - Son Max, in spite of having your eyes and ears connected to a decently functioning brain, it is unfortunate that people ask such incongruous questions. Nevertheless, Guruji will explain the rationale behind the above mentioned irrationality once again. Spirituality, one must know that has three aspects - 1) Social 2) Economic and 3) Facial Hair.  Socially, it is the karma of a spiritual guru to keep his critics at bay(Of Pigs), which is achieved when he make people say “At least he is doing that for the poor”. Secondly, one attains economic equilibrium when he is able to convert all his “black” to “white” tax free, for which the ideal channel is charity.

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, then what about the third factor you mentioned ? How does that impact..

[A] Guruji - Son Max, again another hair-brained question ! you must stop eating broiler chicken Guruji would advise. That was to evoke your sense of humour dude / mate / bro(or whatever is the latest salutation running in the market), a spiritual guru ought to crack PJs to en-kindle his disciples one must know.

[Q] Lata asks - Guruji, what according to your holiness is the single biggest “game-changer” technology invention of 21st century ?

[A] Guruji -  That is the selfie-stick dear.

Ok children, it is time for Guruji to part with you all for now, as he has many heads of states waiting outside for his blessings and selfies with his holy bottom. He shall converse with you all same time, same place, next week - unless of course his fake degrees are de-faked through an amendment in the law by then.

Guruji Speaks - Gender equality

Ladies, Gentlemen and Ladymen,

Guruji is back from a long and enduring mission to save and rehabilitate a set of unfortunate souls that fell into the clutches of the evil and were becoming a threat to the existence of humanity itself; ladies and gentlemen, here he is, back from the IPL owner’s meeting. His holiness will now address your questions and concerns. Do get started.

[Q] Neha asks - Guruji, most men are ready to spend hours washing and cleaning their cars and motorcycles but not ready to wash even a tablespoon or saucer at home. Why men behave in such an irrational fashion ?

[A] Guruji - Dear Neha, one must understand that separation of duties between men and women is an important adaptation given by nature for survival and it should not be interpreted as irrational behaviour of one gender or other. In the beginning of humanity(by which he mean immediately after the humanity got married and moved into their new apartments), women were to keep the family tree growing by ensuring a hygienic environment for the offspring to grow up and thus developed the habit of cleaning their prehistoric pots, pottery and potty rooms all the time. Men(such as the prehistoric neighbourhood uncles and boys) on the other hand were to be fully equipped to set out on a hunt any time and were to keep their stones and sticks groomed all the time. Since humanity happen to go through the metal ages thereafter, instead of grooming stones and sticks or pottery, modern men and women groom their more equivalent metallic equipment, that is all.

[Q] Juhi asks - Your holiness, while in most other species males are more beautiful compared to females - say roosters and peacocks have their beautiful feathers, lions have manes, male elephants have their big,long..

[Guruji’s blog editor] - Sorry to intervene, this is a spiritual forum..

[Q] Juhi asks - I was to say tusks. Why is it that in humans it is the other way, i.e females considered beautiful and not males ?

[A] Guruji - Juhi, beautiful physical appearance is again an adaptation given to males of many species by mother nature to attract mates(Well, by being a female herself, she might have had other reasons too). Such an adaptation is not required for a human male because he can hardly win a mate by having a mane or colourful feathers. He may maximum become a pop star with such an adaptation.

[Q] Ram asks - Guruji, you always ask us to stay positive and think positive. But is this possible? Say scientists are telling us that we have this ever looming threat of large celestial objects hitting our planet anytime, killing all of us. In such a scenario, how is it possible for one to think positive?

[A] Guruji - Son Ram, it definitely is possible to think positive no matter how adverse your conditions are if you think about the positive side of that condition. Say in the above mentioned situation, isn't it positive enough to think that if a meteor hit our heads, we no more have to watch Bollywood movies ?

[Q] Vinod asks -  Guruji, what is the one thing that differentiate us humans from other creatures? Is it our ability to think ?

[A] Guruji - No son, it is a misconception that we can think better than other species. Every creature has its own levels of thinking abilities. What makes us different is our ability to behave irrationally. No other creature has  this capability, they can only behave the way they are expected to.

Ok children, time for Guruji to part with you for now as he has to go on a long pilgrimage, before he become another victim of domestic cleanliness on this otherwise nice and sunny Saturday morning.

Guruji Speaks - Inner Peace

Ladies, Gentleman and Pahalwan Politicians,

Guruji has descended his holy bottom on the holy hot-seat, he will now take your questions, please get started.

[Q] Lata asks - Guruji, a top politician recently tried justifying rape by stating that boys do mistakes at times, we must not hang them for that. Do you agree with this view?

[A] Guruji - Dear Lata, Guruji would totally agree with the politician here, boys do mistakes and we must help and reform them. Say if a boy steals bread out of hunger, a true leader will try to reform the boy by providing him with food from his own kitchen so that he won’t be tempted to rob the poor neighbourhood bakers, right? Similarly the said leader Guruji hope will lead the way in this case and supply the said boys with whatever ‘food’ they were after from his home so that they don’t attack poor girls on the road.

[Q] Mohan asks - Guruji, till recently the only identity we common men (and women) of this country had was our 'aam aadmi' label that gave us a community feeling and some level of confidence that we can collectively bargain for our basic necessities such as the right to eat, the right to take bath, right to wash our bottoms etc. But now that identity also is hijacked by political parties. What should we do now?

[A] Guruji - Son, when one identity goes of, a competent community like yours must adapt another rather than lamenting over it. Guruji recommend all you common men and women out there to choose an assy identity going forward without having to worry about somebody hijacking that identity, as donkeys are gentle, trustworthy creatures having no problem sharing their humble namespace (or even their living space) with other fellow beings, unlike the ones who stole your current identity.

[Q] Shankar asks - Guruji, I feel we middle-aged men are the most neglected, ignored and taken for granted set of people. We get no appreciation for our deeds, no girls aspire for us, we get the least consideration and priority when coming to anything from queuing up for boarding a plane to getting evacuated from a sinking ship. Why is this discrimination, aren’t we the most worthy set of people as we form the top business persons, top politicians, top artists, top everything in fact ?

[A] Guruji - Son, though you have raised a very important question here, you have made a critical error by saying ”WE middle-aged men” as by that you have classified Guruji too as an ill-fated, rapidly aging, potbellied desperado while in reality he is a chiranjeevi who belongs to no age groups and is as desirable as a Bollywood Khan with 8 packs(6 anterior, 2 posterior) in his current avatar.  Coming back to your question, the answer is there in your statement itself - it is your very “top everything” status that makes people give you the least priority and respect as you also form the top rapists, top child-molesters, top politicians, top thieves, top warlords, top news anchors, top stock-traders etc as well. Guruji advises you all to become topless in the above mentioned categories, you will earn your due respect.

[Q] Pushpak asks - Guruji, why do all you religious leaders are against homosexuals, aren't they also God's creations and deserve a place in the society?

[A] Guruji - Pushpak, it is a misconception that we religious leaders are fully against homosexuality, it is only the first 4 letters that we oppose, for the rest, we are fully committed and are more than happy to dedicate our whole life for it.

[Q] Neha asks - Your Holiness, what is inner peace, how can one attain it?

[A] Guruji - Dear Neha, like the outside world, our souls also have an inner world. As in a calm and peaceful exterior world - that is, the one without destructive activities like wars, natural calamities, Bollywood movies etc, there is also a state of calmness that prevails in your inner world as well. One can attain it by having focus, dedication and more importantly by releasing inner gases through appropriate bodily apertures at appropriate times.

Ok children, Guruji will take leave now to take a leak. He will meet you same space, time and any other dimensions that coincide here next week, unless by then his astrological planets get oriented in a different direction and he get hit by a meteor as a result of it.

Guruji Speaks - Affairs

Ladies, Gentlemen and Political horse traders,

In spite of a very busy schedule with parliamentary candidates queuing up to seek his support and blessings, Guruji has kindly set aside an hour of his time for you. Do get started with your questions and concerns.

[Q] Shyam asks - Guruji, will you get involved in resolving marital problems too?

[A] Guruji - Son, since marital affairs are mostly material affairs, Guruji usually don’t get involved. However at times he do get involved in resolving marital problems, but it depends on the nature of the problem, especially it's sex appeal.

[Q] Anonymous asks - Guruji, I'm a candidate for the forthcoming parliamentary elections. Opinion polls show that I have only a 50-50 chance to win. What will be a good yagam/yagya that I can do to improve my chances?

[A] Guruji - Son, Gandhiji-aayana yagam will be good for you. To perform this special yagya, you must first distribute as much Gandhiji (picture) imprinted artifacts as possible among your voters, but on one condition - that those artifacts are of such value that your voters will have no  hesitation to sell their souls to you in return. Also you must ensure that for every such distributed Gandhiji-artifact, you send an equal number to your spiritual guru's - in this case Guruji's - ashram as well, to get full returns for your investme...he mean prayers and chanting.

[Q] Anonymous asks - ..Guruji, for last Gandhi-jayanti we have made a bunch of plastic lockets imprinted with Gandhiji's picture for distribution among school kids but couldn't do so. Will they do?

[A] Guruji - Son, with this gem of an un-evolved primate brain, your are already overqualified to be a parliamentarian. Nevertheless,  Guruji would like to remind you that such an exercise will be as wasteful as trying to brush your teeth with your own intestinal waste. No voter - even the ones who are so wretched that they have to choose you - will ever trade their souls for a 10 Rupee locket. So, do as Guruji has advised, you have his blessings.

[Q] Urmila asks - Your Holiness, I followed your advice and started loving and helping my neighbours. It all went well till now, but now none of them are ready to own the fatherhood of my newborn baby. Please help me.

[A] Guruji - Dear Urmila, he cannot help you here for two reasons - firstly because Guruji is a spiritual leader and is enlightened enough to be creative without running the risk of procreation. Secondly he was never your neighbour.

[Q] Deepa asks - Guruji, political parties are mudslinging each other so badly that I cannot make out who is good, who is bad. So I’m not able to take a firm decision whom to vote in this election. Can you please advise?

[A] Guruji - Dear Deepa, hundreds of young devotees like you are asking this question to Guruji every day. However being a spiritual Guru, he cannot take up sides and recommend you one party over another here, as for him all are equal - in terms of their donations to the ashram that is. However, make sure that you vote for a candidate who seek vote based on caste/religion, as only they can lead us to 22nd century(B.C he mean).

Ok children, Guruji got to leave now as the political aspirants bee-lining at his backyard are creating a law and order situation and he got to give them darshan, otherwise they will bee-sting his back. He will meet you at same place, same time next week unless he gets elected to the heavens by then.

Guruji Speaks - Astrology

Ladies, gentlemen and lawmakers-come-breakers,

Guruji has arrived on the dais, do get started with your doubts and concerns. Please note that this is election season and many candidates would want Guruji to predict their future. We have setup a new direct channel (not to mention exclusively) for them at the ashram where you could directly know your political fortune from Guruji’s parrot.

[Q] Sam asks - Mr.Guruji, none of you astrologers could predict the recent disappearance of the Malaysian Airlines plane, nor could you predict where it can be found. Isn’t it just proof that astrology is a fraud?

[A] Guruji - Son, blaming astrology for missing aircraft is like blaming Shahrukh Khan for your lemur-looks. Here you should be blaming airline authorities who neither employ nor consult us astrologers before their planes take-off. Had this been done, they would have averted this and many other disasters, especially if they had better planes and pilots. People must know that we astrologers cannot predict anything and everything for free, which will make our future highly unpredictable.

[Q] Neha asks - Your Holiness, the earth is becoming hotter and hotter year after year. Is it human activities causing this as some people claim? Do you think this will lead us to our end one day and if so by when will that happen?

[A] Guruji - Dear Neha, you are right. The earth is becoming hotter, as proven by the air-conditioner sales numbers and Bollywood item numbers released year after year. This is partially due to human activities like  industrial pollution, cattle flatulence and election speeches. However, mother nature also plays her role in this, though she is doing this for a much nobler cause - to smoke humans out of here so that the rest of the life forms on this planet get their fair share too. Guruji however will not mention the exact date by when we will meet our end here, as it will make people panic and anarchy will prevail , aam-aadmi will rule if he does so.

[Q] John asks - Guruji, why is that anything healthy is not tasty and vice versa for us humans while every other creature can relish on what they like, yet don’t die of heart attacks? Is it because there is no god there and some bad-a$$ sadist created us humans?

[A] Guruji - John son, it is not fair to blame the heavens for your wife’s poor cooking skills in the first place. You may blame it for her lack of common sense in choosing the right life-partner though. On the face of it, healthy food may taste bad, but if you add a bit of mayonnaise or barbecue sauce over it, the taste will improve, do try. So the secret of having healthy-yet-tasty food is not in it’s ingredients, but in the toppings we must realize.

[Q] Ruchi asks - Guruji, you had been giving us darshan on every weekend, now we see that most of the weekends you are not doing so and you are giving darshans on randomly chosen week days. Why is this?

[A] Guruji - Dear Ruchi, Guruji gives darshan to his disciples when their souls are in dire need of him. These days most of his disciples who are urban rich (who call themselves middle-class due to their pseudo-humility) spend their weekends mall-hopping during which they keep their souls in Lucifer’s cloakroom and are in no need of Guruji. Weekdays on the other hand they are frustrated with work pressure, traffic tussles and prime time news and are badly in need of Guruji's sermons. Hence the changed darshan timings.

Ok children, time for Guruji to leave as he has many potential lawmakers knocking his ashram doors for darshan and are creating lawlessness in his yard in that process. He will meet you same time, same place next week, unless his parrot demands a vacation and Guruji has to fill-in for him during the election season.

Guruji Speaks - Karma

Ladies, gentlemen and the estates of the realm,

Guruji is back, (without a vengeance though) after a long and holy mission(of which he will disclose more below), he will now address your questions and concerns. Do get started.

[Q] Mr. M asks -  Guruji, I am a Bollywood film maker who recently got into trouble by naming a movie after some mythological figures that earned me the wrath of religious groups and courts. I’m now making my next movie and is planning to name it “Vastraksheep” as that is the central theme of the movie (In fact for most of my successful movies this is the main theme). Do you foresee any issues with that name, if so what is a suitable alternate name you can suggest me?

[A] Guruji - Son, firstly you did the right thing by approaching Guruji before proceeding any further with this title which would have got you into trouble. Guruji must tell you that people(not to mention innocent and pious) can come to watch this movie of yours with an expectation that it is related to Vastrakshepas(disrobing) that happened in puranas and ultimately get their religious sentiments hurt/dribbled out. They would have then taken you to court who definitely will stand by people and not by logic. Guruji did some numerological calculations and came up with an auspicious alternate title which is both safe and contextually aligned to your story. He advises you to title your movie “Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hai” . Your name my son will go down in history as the director of CKPKH, you have Guruji's blessings.

[Q] Kamla asks - Guruji, you mentioned somewhere that every creature has a right to exist in this world and has its own karma associated. I think this is wrong, for example what is a mosquito's karma?

[A] Guruji - Dear Kamla, mosquito is a creature with a multitude of karma associated, touching all our lives in many ways, be it business, entertainment or sports. It sustains the multi-crore repellent industry, was the single reason behind Hollywood blockbusters like Jurassic Park. Also, have you ever thought why Indians are excelling in badminton lately? It’s because we are getting our kids trained from childhood on Chinese made mosquito bats. So dear, there is a defined karma for every living organism.

[Q] Jai asks - Guruji, more women are found smoking in urban India these days. I think it is against our culture, values and tradition. Isn’t it so?

[A] Guruji - Son, you are absolutely right, these women are damaging our values and culture. Especially if they are not throwing the butts(of the cigarette he mean, not theirs as you innocent disciples might think) to the street and causing at least a minor fire after every smoke, they indeed are doing something that is absolutely against our culture and values. To keep up with our traditions, they should instead chew “paan” and spit it on the walls.

[Q] Kumar asks - Your Holiness, why do women look better than they are in real life in their social networking profile photos while men look worse than they are in the same ?

[A] Guruji - Son, this is mainly because of two reasons - Firstly, women are biologically wired to know when to make up and how, while men are also wired to do the same, but weird enough not to do so. Secondly, you are looking at those pictures through a man’s perception, hence feels so. Wear a pair of female eyeballs and see, your observation may reverse.

[Q] Smitha asks - Guruji, you were not in the ashram for a while and haven’t given us darshan for many weeks. Were you on some pilgrimage or on a holy mission?

[A] Guruji - Yes dear, he was not in the ashram and his travel mainly was a holy mission, but can also be said to be a pilgrimage as it was for a noble cause. He was on a mission to capture and neutralize a disciple of his who turned hostile and published a book on her days at the ashram. As a true spiritual leader and protector of our traditions and values, it was Guruji’s karma to track her and the copies her book down before it overtook Kamasutra in sales.

Ok children, time for Guruji to leave you all. He will meet you same time, same place next week, unless more dissident disciples start publishing books.

Guruji Speaks - Socialism

Ladies, Gentlemen and mango-men,

Guruji has arrived on the dais, please get started with your queries and worries,

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, Socialism or Capitalism - which is good for the welfare of human society in the long run ?

[A] Guruji - Son, these economic systems differ fundamentally on how wealth is distributed in the society. Wealth as in your hard-earned, half-axed monthly income and not the wealth that your employers and political masters have tucked away in tax havens. In a capitalist system, the distribution of wealth is called "direct distribution", where all your suppliers and debtors line up and grab your wealth at the end of the month directly from you. But in a socialist system, the wealth distribution is the duty of state to ensure that there is no inequality in the distribution. Here the state fetches and distributes your wealth equally among all the needy and poor such as the lazy-unemployed, the white-elephant staffers, the bankrupt corporations etc. For you as an individual, ultimately both are good systems as both aims at the welfare of society by ensuring that your bank account is emptied by month end so that you are inspired to keep working towards the next month’s bed and breakfast.

[Q] Sam asks - Mr.Guruji, your disciples sometime ago conducted nation-wide monkey jumping events collecting money to create a life-size statue of yours that they claimed can save the country from all the evil spirits that cast eyes on our country, due to which we are still a lot poorer compared to the rest of the world. Has the statue been erected and has it started drawing results ?

[A] Guruji - Yes my son, the said erection has happened, you may see a snapshot of it HERE. On results - yes, it has earned the noble souls who collected the donations a good fortune that each of them now drives a Fortuner.

[Q] Mrs.Lata asks - Guruji, this is about my teenage daughter. She is addicted to Facebook and spends all her time on it. She is glued on to her computer screen interacting with her Facebook friends on all her non-school hours. Her father and I tried various ways including physical punishment to get her out of this habit, but with no results.I am worried about my daughter’s future, how can I persuade her to come out of it and focus on her studies?

[A]  Guruji - Dear Mrs.Lata, trying to dissuade today’s teenagers from using social networking through physical punishment is like trying to convert a hyena vegetarian by force-feeding it sambar-rice. You must use a more pragmatic approach here. One option is to encourage them to move to Google+ as their social networking platform. You can persuade them to do so by educating them that Facebook is secretive and hence evil and can trade their souls, while one cannot hide anything from Google anyway and it already has a copy of your soul all the time. Once they start using Google+, they will soon give up trying to understand it, and will start hating social networking altogether. Then enroll them for Guitar or Football classes depending on which will potentially keep your drawing room intact in the long run, you have Guruji’s blessings.

[Q] Kavya asks - Guruji, I’m a highschool student. My parents think social networking is evil and always behind me to stop it whenever I’m on Facebook. My mother had even beaten me on couple occasions on this. I want to make them understand how important my Facebook is for me. How should I go about?

[A] Guruji - Kavya dear, Guruji has been living in this world for many centuries and he can tell you that it’s very hard for people of any generation to make their parents understand what’s cool for their generation. Any attempt to argue with your parents on this will be an exercise as as futile as trying to feed a hyena with Margherita pizza to turn it vegan. The best thing for you to do is demonstrate them how harmless, interactive, informative and recreative social networking is. For this, create Facebook accounts for your mom and dad, help them connect with their high school, college crushes, you have Guruji’s assurance that they will no longer pester you on this topic. However, make sure you connect both mom and dad on it. Else suspicion, jealousy etc can happen between them, making your home so parliamentary that paramilitary forces have to be called in to bring back peace.

Ok children, time for Guruji to retire to his meditation chamber, he will meet you here again next week unless he gets to do something better by then.

Guruji Speaks - Forgiveness

Ladies, Gentlemen and Brand Ambassadors,

Guruji had been on mission to recover and rehabilitate a large number of destitutes who were kept at a distance by the mainstream society for a long time for their lack of grey matter content in brain. Guruji’s efforts has been focused on giving them a new life by empowering them to acquire some human skills that will enable them to lead normal life. Here he is for you, just returned from his mission to the Big Boss House. Do get started with your questions.

[Q] Miss.K asks - Guruji, I started my career with a leading advertising company six months back. A senior male colleague often tries to take undue advantage of me by purposely patting on my shoulders or cheeks on the pretext of appreciating my work. I hate him and often think of taking revenge on him by some or other means. How should I deal with this situation ?

[A] Guruji - Dear K, as Guruji mentioned in this forum multiple times, hatred and vengeance are no solution to any problems. One must practice forgiveness and remission because only by forgiving that you can educate such sinners to become better human beings. Guruji would advise you to pardon your colleague for his misdeeds and next time when this happens, you must also pat him back on his cheeks instead as a truly good-hearted person. Make sure that your patting goes at a rate of 4000 newtons force that he needs a couple of molar replacements but. He will behave well thereafter with your this display of forbearance Guruji assure you.

[Q] Uma asks - Guruji, it’s been a very long time since we humans originated and by now we have somewhat mastered the art of procreation, mate selection tactics and stuff like that. Yet a lot of research reports come out every year with something even our primate forefathers new such as “Study proves women find armpit smelling men less attractive", "Survey shows men prefer women with bigger boo..”

[Guruji’s Blog Editor] :- Sorry to intervene.. this is a spiritual forum..”

[Q] Uma - I was to say boot-heels. Guruji, my question is - why people are still interested in such researches ?

[A] Guruji - Dear Uma, there is nothing wrong in such researches. Say we humans have been eating chicken for thousands of years now, both raw and cooked. Yet when a new fried-chicken restaurant opens, you throng there, though it still will be the same old chicken in a new packet. And none of these restaurants have gone out of business for the reason that chicken is tasting the same from pre-historic times. Because flesh businesses always has a market, then,now and in future.

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, in your opinion, will the Aam Aadmi party victory in Delhi have far reaching impacts in the Indian political spectrum?

[A] Guruji - There is a short answer and a long answer to this question. The short answer is “Yes” and the long answer is “No”.

[Q] Ram asks - Your Holiness, I am taking up a pilgrimage to all the major religious shrines in the country. What are the most important things one should carry along while on such a pilgrimage that can make the journey more fruitful ?

[A] Guruji - Garbage bags.

[Q] Manoj asks - Guruji, I recently visited a religious shrine in South India where they insisted I take off my shirt before entering the premises. The same place also doesn’t allow women wearing jeans to enter as well. Why such barbaric rules and regulations still prevail in our society ?

[A] Guruji - Son, you must realize that every religious ritual has it’s own symbolism associated and you must not take it in it’s literal sense. For example, when you light a candle or lamp in a shrine, you are symbolically burning the bottoms of all evil spirits around you such as rakshasas, yakshis, reality-show producers etc. The ritual of removing your shirt symbolically reminds you of the importance of humility in one’s life. Because, only when you come across such pre-historic practices will you realize that we humans have not all that evolved from primates. That realization - that you still are a monkey with a smartphone  - will help you stay humble in life.

[Q] Karthik asks - Guruji, I am a university student, I was forced by my parents to study science while I wasn’t interested in that subject. I want to be a movie actor like my celluloid heroes and wants to work towards that. Under these circumstances, I’m sure going to be a dropout from college soon. Can you please predict what will be my future?

[A] Guruji - Son, under these circumstances no prediction is possible on your future, as predicting something thats not going to be there is impossible.

[Q] Kumar asks - Guruji, should I feel happy about receiving an automated “New Year Greetings”? If so why?

[A] Guruji - Yes, you should feel good about it because if you are reading it that implies you are not brain-dead unlike the sender.

[Q] Anonymous asks - Your Holiness, I was a leading editor-in-chief and a political think-tank of my country till recently when I was caught and put in jail for misbehaving with women. I repent it now and would like to come out as a good human being. What is your advice for me ?

[A] Guruji - Son Think-tank, start using your brain instead of your sperm-tank to think, you will do better in life.

Ok children, Guruji got to leave now, he will converse with you sometime in future, though he cannot commit when as he is taking up a long journey in search of truth, of which he knows nothing right now when/where will it end, as he is going to the transport department office to have his driving license renewed - without paying bribe.

Guruji Speaks - Unnatural relationships

Ladies, Gentlemen and Supreme authorities,

Guruji is back after his holy mission to initiate something that has the potential to save mankind, womankind and even those kind in media business / jails (or both). He will address you all now, do start with your questions.

[Q]  Kumar asks - Guruji, you weren't there in the ashram last weekend and did not give us darshan. Had you been on a pilgrimage?

[A] Guruji - No my son, Guruji was on a mission to do “bhoomi pooja” for the worlds tallest politically motivated statue that now is the only hope for mankind to save itself from all the problems looming over it currently including that of deficiency of brain cells in some people.

[Q] Lata Devi.L asks - Your holiness, isn’t it wrong for some people to be homosexuals as god created us men and women to be exactly that way? Shouldn’t all religious and spiritual leaders oppose such unnatural relationships as it is against gods, our culture and rich traditions?

[A] Guruji - Dear Lata Devi.L, Guruji for centuries have been opposing such unnatural relationships. But unfortunately some evil people called scientists went against gods and proved that we evolved and were not created by gods. Now the same people have also found that our evolution itself is from a highly unnatural union - of pigs and chimps(Can you believe that? pigs!). Guruji was hoping that the gods will react to such atrocious and blasphemous researches by burning all the scientists in hell or in sulfuric acid. But since they are not doing so, we have to assume that the entire human race itself has an origin from an unnatural relationship (that too one involving pigs!), we better work towards making any unnatural relationships between pigs and chimps illegal before addressing other lesser unnatural ones.

[Q] Dash asks - Guruji, you are a person who knows everything. I want to invest in stock market and earn a good fortune out of that. What should one do to maximize his returns from the stock market?

[A] Guruji - Son Dash, though this is not a spiritually pertinent topic, considering the donations you make at religious shrines, Guruji recognizes that you are a genuine investor and hence will answer you. Best way to get maximum returns from stock market is to stay away from it.

[Q] Ram asks - Guruji, I hear that spiritual gurus got a sixth sense.Is this true ? What is it called?

[A] Guruji - It is NONSENSE.

[Q] Pia asks - Guruji, I am a marketing executive with a leading FMCG company. This question is about my manager’s attitude.He thinks he is always right. It doesn't stop there, he also thinks that ONLY he is right. I am not very satisfied working with him for this attitude, but at the same time I really admire his self confidence also. Is he right with this attitude?

[A] Guruji - Pia dear, this is already answered a century and a half back by Charles Darwin and Guruji will repeat it here for you and your manager - That "ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge".

[Q] Krishna asks - Guruji, you are a sociologists too. What is that we can deduce from the recent Aam-aadmi party victory in Delhi?

[A] Guruji - Guruji deduces that humans got much higher tolerance level compared to other life forms, else something like this wouldn't have taken this long to happen.

[Q]  Smitha asks - Maharaj, one more year is passing by. What is Guruji's message to the world this time?

[A] Guruji - Dear Smitha, every passing year makes us realize the universal truth that time is the only ultimate truth and it never waits for anybody.This December, Guruji advises all his disciples to take an oath to bring improvements to their spiritual life going forward, by drinking responsibly.

Ok my children, Guruji got to retire to his meditation chambers to attend to some important spiritual matters waiting for him (in his cupboard). We will meet here again same time next week if time(and materials) permit.

Guruji's Column - Part 20

Ladies,Gentleman and Policy-makers,

Guruji is on his way to lay foundation stone for the world's tallest politically motivated statue, made in a country that spends more money on VIP security than primary education. He is now ready to take your queries through his in-flight internet channel.

[Q] Dolly asks - Guruji, my husband and I are married for about six months now, our physical relationship hasn't picked up yet, as my husband says he is not ‘motivated enough’ to go for it . Is there any yoga technique that can help him?

[A] Guruji - Dear Dolly, your husband can practice Guruji’s patented "Samay Yoga". The yoga technique itself is very simple and easy to practice and there is no better ways to evoke one’s sensual senses. Here is the method - Every day morning, he must take a good bath in cold water, then have a glass of cold milk or ice tea. He must then sit in a room with good air circulation in a meditative half-lotus posture, facing west as that is the direction of planetary motions that influences your sensual feelings. Take a deep breath to increase his blood-oxygen levels and for the next 45 minutes read Times Of India. Repeat this for a week and he will not only start performing like a breeder bull, but also will start looking like one.

[Q] Anonymous asks - Guruji, I’m the same person who spoke to you last week, the prime minister of the third world country. Your advice on the onion prices helped me to stay put, but now tomato prices have gone up and opposition is after me again. Can I apply the same job reservation technique here as well?

[A] Guruji - Son, you must understand one thing, that Guruji’s advices should not be treated like grandpa's underpants i.e in a one-size-fits-all fashion. Onion-strategy Guruji recommended will work only on onions. As tomatoes are perishable, they are like your country’s political leadership - become rotten and useless in no time. They won't even stay till you pass the reservation bill in your parliament. Hence Guruji advise you to be silent for a week(which he knows you are very good at), fresh tomatoes will be back in the market and the equally perishable memory of your voters will be back to normal as well. For your opposition, Guruji will keep them busy building tall statues that he made them believe is the best bet solution to win the next election.

[Q] Shaila asks - Guruji, my company always tells us in management trainings to have a ‘work-life balance’. Yet they make us slog like dung-beetles, work even on weekends etc. Isn’t this unethical of the company not to practice what they preach?

[A] Guruji - Dear Shaila, not at all. Your company is not unethical here for two reasons - One,  “work-life balance” is a short description of the statement “Work! Life? that you Balance somehow”. If you take that statement in it’s entirety, your company is right. Secondly,breeding dung beetles is not illegitimate business.Moreover, they are  paying good donations to gold-plate Gurujis ashram walls this year.

[Q] Amit asks - Gurudev, I am a successful investment banker, living in New York. I have acquired a good amount of wealth  with my job plus doing private investments in parallel and is leading a reasonably happy life. But after attending your sermons regularly, I feel I should take up a more spiritual path in life and become a spiritual guru or guide myself. I would like to ask you whether celibacy a must for this, or can I still have my spouse when I get into the spiritual life?

[A] Guruji - Son, to take up spiritual path and become a spiritual master, one must cut all her/his earthly links and hence it is necessary that you leave your spouse. Remember what our great gurus and sages have taught us - “He who is off for a feast need no lunchbox to be carried along”.

OK children, time for Guruji to leave as his flight is about to land and the pilot insists that all telecommunication devices be switched off for he needs the entire internet bandwidth to Google how to land a plane. Guruji will meet you again next week if the pilot manages to find the answer.

Guruji's Column - Part 19

Hello everybody,

Guruji has arrived on the dais, you may now start asking your questions.

[Q] Kareena asks - Guruji, why do they have a semi/nearly nude woman in all kinds of advertisements these days including men’s wear. Isn’t it wrong to seek cheap ways to get attention?

[A] Guruji - Dear Kareena, you must understand that the advertisers are not seeking easy attention by having the semi/nearly nude women, as that could be achieved even by having a peeing dog or a pant-hooting chimp. In the world of ads, the most catchy are those which makes you think. The attireless lady has the unique power to throw some food for thought for everybody who comes across the ad. For example, all the men who see the picture will start thinking “Man..if I ever get her, where should I start from?”, all the women who see it would think “Bitch got some thick skin, but nice figure. How is she managing it?” while all the gender-neutral people(who usually make such advertisements) would start thinking why they are what they are. To tell you the truth dear, it even makes your pet dog think this way “Lots of flesh, but how come no smell? must be fake..let me move on..Woof..woof”.

[Q] K asks - Guruji, I am a social servant and member of parliament associated with a third world country. I have been working in my rural constituency trying to improve civic amenities and help the underprivileged class in improving healthcare, sanitation, primary education and things like that. But I have no way of getting things improved due to not getting funds allocated, poor support from bureaucracy and also the large population. What should I do?

[A] Guruji - Son K, by seeking Guruj's advice you have done the right thing. Stop everything that you are doing right now, instead seek funds to construct statutes of political leaders who are either dead, alive or in a state in between.

[Q] K asks - But Guruji, how can a statue..

[A] Guruji - Son, Guruji recently got an enlightenment that the one stop solution to all the problems faced by a country of airheaded voters and taxpayers (which Guruji presume yours is one, from your description) is to spend few millions and build statues of leaders all around. The taller the statue, the better the results. No more poverty, lack of infrastructure, healthcare issues will haunt your country once the statues are unveiled. Care must be taken to not build it with having a handbag, which is an inauspicious article. A leader who followed Guruji's advice and built statues in another country lost her elections just because she built them all with the said bag. So go start grabbing land for it right away. You have Guruji’s assurance that this feat will make you even win a presidential or prime ministerial election as well.

[Q] Max asks -  Guruji, religions teach us that god is omnipresent, then why we have to go to religious shrines, pay donations or contributions to pray to god?

[A] Guruji - Son, though the atmosphere is full of air, you go to the fuel station, pay 10 rupees to the assistant and fill air(which they have written as ‘free air’)  in your car tyres. It is the same basic principle - god or air, business is business and it runs only on money.

[Q] Anonymous asks - Your Holiness, I am the Prime Minister of a highly populous third world country. I must admit that I am not a follower of yours as in our highly disciplined party, we are allowed to only follow the party president, the president's family members and pets. Coming to my problem, recently onion prices went up in our country and the opposition is now after my resignation saying its all because I don’t know my onions. How can I handle this situation?

[A] Guruji - Son, this is very simple and easy to resolve in your part of the world. Declare all those who don’t eat onion as a minority and announce them job reservations. Onion demand and prices will go down the next day, and your opposition will be forced to retreat. May Guruji’s blessings be with you and the presidential pets.

Ok children, time for Guruji to take leave, he promises to meet you again at same place, same time unless he finds something better to do. Till then may his blessings be with you all(excluding those engaged in bursting noisy crackers after midnight in his neighborhood)