Saturday, September 7, 2013

Guruji's Column - Part 12

Ladies, Gentlemen and disciples,

Though Guruji is on a pilgrimage to the holy islands of The Bahamas, where he launder his holy vestments and investments, he has kindly set aside an hour during the flight for his pupil, here are his answers to your doubts and concerns.

[Q] Anonymous asks - Swami, I am an ardent follower of yours, also the finance minister of a third world country. Recently the value of our currency started falling badly. Though I and my government issued assurances that it’s only the currency value that has fallen, people could still use coins, cheques or credit cards, the stupid opposition is demanding my resignation. What should I do now? Please advise.

[A] Guruji - Makane Anonymous, tell your opposition that a country where there is no value for human life itself, value of the currency is not a big deal. They will understand.

[Q] Prof. Sharma asks from Kanpur - Gurudev, One more Teacher’s Day went by. We teachers are doing one of the most important jobs in the world - of creating tomorrow’s engineers, doctors and scientists. Yet some other mediocre professionals like movie actors are paid far higher than us. What do you as a philosopher deduce from this anomaly ?

[A] Guruji - Guruji deduce from this that jealousy is a disease incurable.

Q. Sam asks - Mr. Guruji, there are allegations(see here) that you are a fake spiritual guru. What do you have to say about this?

[A] Guruji - Son Sam, this is absolutely baseless. There are no real or fake spiritual gurus, there are only spiritual gurus.

[Q] Nilima asks Noida - Guruji, ours is a small middle class family of four. My husband now wants to buy a pricey SUV for no reason. We already have a small car and moreover a mortgage to deal with. How I can persuade him to not buy this SUV?

[A] Guruji - Dear Nilima, for a man, his car is a treasured commodity, like a bone for a dog or a nut for a squirrel. It is something that will keeps him motivated, thrilled and bemused. Hence it will be a daunting task persuade him. Here are two ways you can do it - One, by statistically(and logically) proving how uneconomical and inessential it is for you at the moment, especially in the wake of mortgage, rising fuel prices, tax hikes, garage space constraints, small family size, lack of off-roading needs etc. This may not workout as arguing logically with a man is like escorting a woman to shopping; frustrating, futile and waste of time. Hence the option for you is to trap him in an emotional-atyachar scenario using your spousal powers, by reminding him of few forthcoming obligations such as daughter’s wedding, grocery shopping etc.

[Q] Pia asks from Mumbai - Guruji, lately many of your fellow spiritual leaders and gurus are caught for rape, torture and similar offences. What is your explanation for this?

[A] Guruji - ..that every society gets the leaders they deserve.

[Q] Ahalya asks from Ahmedabad - Guruji, my problem is my teenage daughter. She has no interest in her studies or any extra curricular activities. All the time she wants to spend chatting on the internet or mobile phone and polishing her nails. In short my daughter is growing up as a good-for-nothing person. What should I do?

[A] Guruji - Send her to Bollywood.

Ok children, time has come for Guruji to leave, he will meet you right here, same time next week, if he hasn’t been knocked down by a state transport bus that is.

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