Sunday, June 29, 2014

Guruji Speaks - Emotional leakage

Ladies, Gentlemen and building contractors,

Guruji has arrived in the prayer hall and has placed his holy bottom on the dias, you may now get started with your queries and concerns.

[Q] Kumar asks -  Guruji, I’m about to get married and I am worried that the woman I’m planning to marry is wiser than I am and in future she will dominate me with her smartness. What should I do? Call off the wedding or go ahead and marry her?

[A] Guruji - Son, Guruji advises you to go ahead and marry without any worries because of two reasons. Firstly,  wise husbands, mermaids, tooth fairies are all fantasy figures existing only in folklore and you aiming to become one will be a futile exercise. Secondly, there is no danger in marrying a smarter woman because, in the history of humankind no wise woman had ever used her wisdom against her husband, except to convince him pay her apparel bills. You, your future spouse and the textile shop owners have Guruji’s blessings.

[Q] Brinda asks - Guruji, have we evolved from other creatures or are we created by god?

[A] Guruji - Dear Brinda, Guruji had answered this question on many occasions earlier too, we are not toilet-rolls  or political scams  to be "created" by somebody, we have evolved from lesser complicated life forms gradually.

[Q] Brinda asks -  ..but Guruji, what is the proof that we evolved from lesser intelligent life forms?

[A] Guruji - Don’t you watch Big Boss?

[Q] Mohan asks - Guruji, has social media really changed anything about our lives ? if so what is that change?

[A] Guruji  - Son, social media has contributed to humanity in many different ways. It is hard to point out any particular aspect that influenced us more than others. However, helping us make informed decisions is one of the biggest changes social media has brought in. Imagine your spouse of 20th century coming to know that you “LIKE”ed Mallika Sherawat ’s “TWEETS” or Pooja Bedi’s “BLOGS” last night. Had we not have social networking,  the above information would have caused her applying a pressure of 10 Chapati Rollers on your head instantly.

[Guruji’s Blog Editor] - We would like to clarify here that the “spouse of 20th century” mentioned by Guruji here is different from “20th Century Spouse”, a TV serial made by an Indian woman producer to prove the theory of evolution.  

[Q] Mr.A asks - Your Holiness, in my job I come across many irate customers and colleagues who I cannot shout back at. Now problem is I ended up yelling at my spouse or kids that evening to get myself some consolation. Am I right in doing so? If not what should I do?

[A] Guruji - Son, your condition is what behavioural scientists call “emotional leakage”. It is absolutely wrong to take your anger on your spouse or children as they are not responsible for your said condition. The best remedial measure for this is to go to a wide, open space such as a hilltop and yelp in all random directions for half an hour, you will feel alright after that. Now if the hilltop is not a possible option, your next best bet solution is to join national television as a prime-time news anchor.

Ok dear children, time for Guruji to say goodbye to you all, may his blessings be with you. We shall meet at the same place, same time next week unless an ongoing epidemic like dengue fever or football world cup force him to be bedridden by then.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Guruji Speaks - Gender equality

Ladies, Gentlemen and Ladymen,

Guruji is back from a long and enduring mission to save and rehabilitate a set of unfortunate souls that fell into the clutches of the evil and were becoming a threat to the existence of humanity itself; ladies and gentlemen, here he is, back from the IPL owner’s meeting. His holiness will now address your questions and concerns. Do get started.

[Q] Neha asks - Guruji, most men are ready to spend hours washing and cleaning their cars and motorcycles but not ready to wash even a tablespoon or saucer at home. Why men behave in such an irrational fashion ?

[A] Guruji - Dear Neha, one must understand that separation of duties between men and women is an important adaptation given by nature for survival and it should not be interpreted as irrational behaviour of one gender or other. In the beginning of humanity(by which he mean immediately after the humanity got married and moved into their new apartments), women were to keep the family tree growing by ensuring a hygienic environment for the offspring to grow up and thus developed the habit of cleaning their prehistoric pots, pottery and potty rooms all the time. Men(such as the prehistoric neighbourhood uncles and boys) on the other hand were to be fully equipped to set out on a hunt any time and were to keep their stones and sticks groomed all the time. Since humanity happen to go through the metal ages thereafter, instead of grooming stones and sticks or pottery, modern men and women groom their more equivalent metallic equipment, that is all.

[Q] Juhi asks - Your holiness, while in most other species males are more beautiful compared to females - say roosters and peacocks have their beautiful feathers, lions have manes, male elephants have their big,long..

[Guruji’s blog editor] - Sorry to intervene, this is a spiritual forum..

[Q] Juhi asks - I was to say tusks. Why is it that in humans it is the other way, i.e females considered beautiful and not males ?

[A] Guruji - Juhi, beautiful physical appearance is again an adaptation given to males of many species by mother nature to attract mates(Well, by being a female herself, she might have had other reasons too). Such an adaptation is not required for a human male because he can hardly win a mate by having a mane or colourful feathers. He may maximum become a pop star with such an adaptation.

[Q] Ram asks - Guruji, you always ask us to stay positive and think positive. But is this possible? Say scientists are telling us that we have this ever looming threat of large celestial objects hitting our planet anytime, killing all of us. In such a scenario, how is it possible for one to think positive?

[A] Guruji - Son Ram, it definitely is possible to think positive no matter how adverse your conditions are if you think about the positive side of that condition. Say in the above mentioned situation, isn't it positive enough to think that if a meteor hit our heads, we no more have to watch Bollywood movies ?

[Q] Vinod asks -  Guruji, what is the one thing that differentiate us humans from other creatures? Is it our ability to think ?

[A] Guruji - No son, it is a misconception that we can think better than other species. Every creature has its own levels of thinking abilities. What makes us different is our ability to behave irrationally. No other creature has  this capability, they can only behave the way they are expected to.

Ok children, time for Guruji to part with you for now as he has to go on a long pilgrimage, before he become another victim of domestic cleanliness on this otherwise nice and sunny Saturday morning.