Friday, March 11, 2016

Guruji Speaks - Women’s Day

Ladies, Gentlemen and Nation-builders,

Guruji has arrived and placed his holy bottom on the dais, do get started with your concerns and concoctions.

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, do we really need to celebrate a special women's day?

[A] Guruji - Son, it is unfortunate that you are asking such a question, it only indicates the male-chauvinistic traits that some of us men possess even in 21st century. We definitely need a day to recognize, regard and reward our women, otherwise history will not be kind on us, we will be labelled a generation that didn’t sell women’s accessories.

[Q] Judi asks - Guruji, many a priest in my religion conduct faith healing sessions. Is there in any truth in faith healing?

[A] Guruji - Of course dear, Guruji himself had been a faith-healer in his previous avatar. The truth about faith healing is that such faith is a condition that needs healing.

[Q] Mitun asks - Guruji, I'm getting married soon, I would like to know what is the best way to keep my marriage successful, without arguments or fights ?

[A] Guruji - Son, marital matters are better addressed by materialists or martial arts experts than monks. However he will tell you this much that conflicts are inexorable in any marriage, unless it is between your smartphone and it's charger. The key to have a successful marriage is not about having no fights, but about winning it. If you win, your marriage lose and vice versa.

[Q] Anonymous Journalist asks - Guruji, some people say that around 70% of people in rural parts of my country have no toilets. Isn't this worrisome, that the governments are doing nothing about it?

[A] Guruji - Dear AJ, it is not the job of the government to peep into people's bottoms and find where are they defecating. Governments got other important things to do for it's needy and poor watch, suite and suite-case sponsors. Also, one must know that it is a very good thing that your population is defecating in public, as that is the proof that there is no poverty in your welfare state. If they poop, they ate. 

[Q] Sameer asks - Guruji, why do some people believe that god wants to eliminate people belonging to other faiths ? Don’t they have common sense to understand that if god is god, he could do it himself and need not appoint third party rectums for it ?

[A] Guruji - Son, Guruji is afraid you are the one having lack of common sense here to ask such a question. If god was god, he/she wouldn't have allowed procreation of such rectums is more commonsensical an argument.

[Q] Guruji, I belong to a society that was under foreign rule for last few centuries. Now we are determined to regain our past glory. What is your advice for us, where do we start ?

[A] Guruji - Son, this is a noble thought indeed, to regain you past glory. Guruji would advise you to not try to regain just the glory of few hundred years but to go back further and try to regain the tail that you lost in the great battle of evolution. Also, before the said few centuries, your very forefathers used to kill each other and rape your fore-mothers and fore-sisters in the name of territorial ownership, try to regain that glory as well on your way back, you have Guruji's blessings.

Ok children, Guruji got to take leave now. He shall meet you same place, same time next month - unless his holy bottom gets stung by anti-national ants or their nationalist-aunts by then.

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