Saturday, December 14, 2013

Guruji Speaks - Unnatural relationships

Ladies, Gentlemen and Supreme authorities,

Guruji is back after his holy mission to initiate something that has the potential to save mankind, womankind and even those kind in media business / jails (or both). He will address you all now, do start with your questions.

[Q]  Kumar asks - Guruji, you weren't there in the ashram last weekend and did not give us darshan. Had you been on a pilgrimage?

[A] Guruji - No my son, Guruji was on a mission to do “bhoomi pooja” for the worlds tallest politically motivated statue that now is the only hope for mankind to save itself from all the problems looming over it currently including that of deficiency of brain cells in some people.

[Q] Lata Devi.L asks - Your holiness, isn’t it wrong for some people to be homosexuals as god created us men and women to be exactly that way? Shouldn’t all religious and spiritual leaders oppose such unnatural relationships as it is against gods, our culture and rich traditions?

[A] Guruji - Dear Lata Devi.L, Guruji for centuries have been opposing such unnatural relationships. But unfortunately some evil people called scientists went against gods and proved that we evolved and were not created by gods. Now the same people have also found that our evolution itself is from a highly unnatural union - of pigs and chimps(Can you believe that? pigs!). Guruji was hoping that the gods will react to such atrocious and blasphemous researches by burning all the scientists in hell or in sulfuric acid. But since they are not doing so, we have to assume that the entire human race itself has an origin from an unnatural relationship (that too one involving pigs!), we better work towards making any unnatural relationships between pigs and chimps illegal before addressing other lesser unnatural ones.

[Q] Dash asks - Guruji, you are a person who knows everything. I want to invest in stock market and earn a good fortune out of that. What should one do to maximize his returns from the stock market?

[A] Guruji - Son Dash, though this is not a spiritually pertinent topic, considering the donations you make at religious shrines, Guruji recognizes that you are a genuine investor and hence will answer you. Best way to get maximum returns from stock market is to stay away from it.

[Q] Ram asks - Guruji, I hear that spiritual gurus got a sixth sense.Is this true ? What is it called?

[A] Guruji - It is NONSENSE.

[Q] Pia asks - Guruji, I am a marketing executive with a leading FMCG company. This question is about my manager’s attitude.He thinks he is always right. It doesn't stop there, he also thinks that ONLY he is right. I am not very satisfied working with him for this attitude, but at the same time I really admire his self confidence also. Is he right with this attitude?

[A] Guruji - Pia dear, this is already answered a century and a half back by Charles Darwin and Guruji will repeat it here for you and your manager - That "ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge".

[Q] Krishna asks - Guruji, you are a sociologists too. What is that we can deduce from the recent Aam-aadmi party victory in Delhi?

[A] Guruji - Guruji deduces that humans got much higher tolerance level compared to other life forms, else something like this wouldn't have taken this long to happen.

[Q]  Smitha asks - Maharaj, one more year is passing by. What is Guruji's message to the world this time?

[A] Guruji - Dear Smitha, every passing year makes us realize the universal truth that time is the only ultimate truth and it never waits for anybody.This December, Guruji advises all his disciples to take an oath to bring improvements to their spiritual life going forward, by drinking responsibly.

Ok my children, Guruji got to retire to his meditation chambers to attend to some important spiritual matters waiting for him (in his cupboard). We will meet here again same time next week if time(and materials) permit.

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