Saturday, November 30, 2013

Guruji Speaks - Fairness

Ladies, Gentlemen and Indian Superstitious Research Organization management,

Guruji has arrived on the dais, do get started with your concerns and questions.

[Q] Kareena asks  - Guruji, what is your opinion about promoting skin fairness creams? Isn’t it racist and discriminatory to think that certain skin colour is superior?

[A] Guruji - Yes dear, gods have created all human beings equal and it is wrong to differentiate someone based on skin color, nail color or even trouser color. It should be one's humility and honesty we should value and not their skin colour. Hence Guruji strongly condemn all sorts of promotions of skin fairness creams and treatments except those that are Ayurvedic and are supplied directly from Guruji’s Ayurvedic Center, as Ayurveda is directly from the heavens, passed on through ancient rishis and gurus. So if the heavens want us to look fair, its fair to spare a fair amount of money on it.

[Q] Sam asks - Mr.Guruji, I happened to attend a televised sermon of yours, and I think the stupid silly jokes you cracked and the laughter that broke out among your disciples thereafter are as unbearable as the bray of a bunch of donkeys stuck in the middle of a Miley Cyrus program. I think you should stop this?

[A] Guruji - Sure son, Guruji will try to mute Miley.

[Q] Max asks - Bharat Ratna awardee Dr.CNR Rao recently remarked that  "I don't believe in astrology. I don't believe in any other kind of superstition”. What do you spiritual leaders and astrologers have to say about this?

[A] Guruji - Son, it is not a spiritual guru’s job to react to statements of people who oppose our karma and dharma. We believe that time will teach such people the right lessons. However, since time usually takes a lot of time, we would like to revoke his Bharat Ratna right away, make gold plated statues of gods out of it and send it to ISRO for distribution among all  religious shrines. Secondly, give next years’ Bharat Ratna to whoever does this noble deed.

[Q] Juhi asks - Your Holiness, men or women, who got better sense of humour?

[A] Guruji - Juhi dear, gender is no differentiating factor when comes to humour sense or common sense. Both men and women got lot of humour sense and lack of common sense equally. But the things that evoke humour in each may vary though. Say you walk into a bus stop in style, slip on a banana peel and fall down. While all the men around will jump to help you get up and gather your stuff scattered around, the only woman who will not giggle spotting the humour here will be the Indira Gandhi statue opposite. On the other hand, say you are on a visit to the zoo, and while at the hippo pond you think loudly that you haven’t seen a J-Lo movie for a while. All the men around you will laugh out loud while all the women will pinch you for having such evil and dirty thoughts. So you can conclude that though both men and women are equally humorous, men prefer it darker.

[Q] Mrs.K asks - Guruji, can you please recommend me some yoga techniques that helps me keep my sanity levels intact, yet tolerate my husband's level of untidiness?

[A] Guruji - Dear Mrs.K, your husband who keeps it all untidy is in reality a person of philosophical stature and you must not stand in his way. By this untidiness, he is giving you and the rest of the world a message that only when an unclean room is cleaned eventually one realizes the value of cleanliness and not when you clean an otherwise clean room. Also Guruji advises you to  practice some of his anti-hypochondriacal yoga techniques instead to keep your mind calm.

Ok children, Guruji shall meet you again next week same time, same place, unless he gets arrested for the crime of promoting unethical practices such as common sense.

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