Saturday, November 23, 2013

Guruji Speaks - Relationships

Ladies, Gentlemen and Cheap Editors,

Guruji has kindly set aside an hour of his otherwise busy weekend to you all, do get started with your questions.

[Q] Disciples from Delhi ask - Guruji, we are planning to launch a media campaign to get you next year’s “Bharat Ratna”. What do you say?

[A] Guruji - That will be a noble deed indeed my children! Do proceed, and ensure it comes tax exempted.

[Q] Sheetal asks - Gurudev, I am an aspiring model, recently moved to Mumbai. My boyfriend is inviting me to share a live-in relationship with him. Do you see any danger in I going for it?

[A] Guruji - Sheetal dear, your spiritual guru may not be the right person to advise you on such material/marital/martial topics. However, in one of his previous incarnations as a university student, Guruji had a long standing live-in relationship and hence can share you few of his experiences here that you might find helpful. He had learned one important lesson from this live-in relationship where he shared his bed and blood with few bedbugs - that nobody has accountability here which is both good and bad. Good because you could eradicate your live-in partner(s) anytime without having any legal hassles or guilty consciousness. Bad because your priorities will never match, say when Guruji wanted to sleep, the live-ins had other agenda, like breeding or sucking his blood out. Overall, it wasn’t very comfortable he would say. Hence Guruji advises you to take a well thought out decision weighing pros and cons rather than following your boyfriend's libidinous plans blindly.

[Q] Sudheer asks - Guruji, I think our prime ministerial aspirants are crossing the line of dignity lately. Is it not bad for the country’s future?

[A] Guruji -  No my son, not at all. Guruji see it as a big positive sign if they are crossing the line of dignity, as from where they are today, they can only cross over to the better side.

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, I heard that spiritual gurus like you can perform miracles like converting sheep into wolf and vice versa. How do you do it?

[A] Guruji - Son, there is nothing impossible for a soul that achieved self realization and nirvana. However, we spiritual gurus never convert wolf into sheep because such an act is against the laws of nature and will be a threat to the ecosystem and human society itself. Such deeds and black magics are done by evil forces such as national media. However we spiritual gurus occasionally convert many a disciple into a mule though, to demonstrate the divine powers bestowed upon us, and mules unlike wolves are harmless (and more importantly) feckless than any other species on earth.

[Q] Madhuri asks - Guruji, you have more male disciples or female disciples?

[A] Guruji - Madhuri dear, for a spiritual guru all his disciples are equal, s/he shall not differentiate or count them differently. Hence Guruji has never taken such a census or tried to classify or differentiate his disciples based on caste, creed, nationality,age group or financial status, let alone gender. His 2167 twenty-something female disciples will concur him on this. And he must tell you that that number doesn't include you who belong to the 9208 middle-aged, upper-middle class male disciples who are obsessed with their Bollywood heartthrobs and go by their identity online.

Ok children, time for us to part. Guruji will meet you here again same day, same time next week, unless the 2167 has another agenda for him on the same day, same time.

1 comment:

  1. "if they are crossing the line of dignity, as from where they are today, they can only cross over to the better side"

    Best part!