Monday, February 10, 2014

Guruji Speaks - Harassment

Ladies, Gentlemen and Cricket Board Governors,

Guruji is here with you, giving you a special darshan on a Monday as he will be a travelling on all weekends during the rest of his life and may not be able to converse with you all anymore on weekends.

[Q] Yogesh asks - Guruji, Valentine's day is coming up. What is the best way to celebrate it?

[A] Guruji - Son, Valentines day is a day to express your love, compassion and warmth to your dear and near. However Guruji would remind you that blindly following Western culture is not the right way to celebrate an occasion like this. Instead one must use it as an opportunity to demonstrate his love and warmth towards our culture and values too. Hence Guruji’s advice to you is to celebrate it responsibly by vandalising shops, attacking people and running rampages through the city as the true son of a..traditional and value-rich mother.

[Q] Inder asks - Guruji, I hails from a small(in terms of outlook, not size) island nation. We are soon going for our general elections to elect a president. Our choice is between electing someone with white beard or  black beard, who should we choose?

[A] Guruji - Son, beard traditionally is an indication of three things - 1) wisdom  2) lunatism or 3) hormonal imbalance if it is a woman. In your case since we are talking about national leadership, Guruji assumes that the first one can be ruled out as a criteria. Third one is a physical, curable thing and can be ignored as well. That leaves you with the second aspect which most of the time is the single factor we humans must consider when selecting another human - be it as a life-partner, president or car driver. Guruji advises your country to weigh the candidates on this aspect and choose the right one accordingly. However his personal advice to you as a disciple is to - Get the heaven out of that country at the earliest, because if we have to choose national leadership based on beard color,  that place sure is going to be doomed.

[Q] Mr.G asks - Guruji, we have appointed an Indian born person as the CEO of our global technology company recently. We had been struggling to keep up with our competition for a while, do you see this appointment will help us beat our competition?

[A] Guruji - Yes my son, your new CEO has mentioned that he learned teamwork from Cricket. Guruji assure that you can bet on him.

[Q] Anonymous asks - Guruji, I am a disciple of yours and has been a successful Bollywood heroine for few years now. But lately younger girls are getting more attention and because of this I am suffering from some sort of anxiety syndrome for a while and is constantly worried about my future. What should I do?

[A] Guruji - Anonymous dear, there is no reason for you to panic here, one must be prepared to take success and failure equally to lead a fruitful life. Moreover, Guruji foresee that you have a long and successful career ahead and opportunities will come your way in many forms - such as nappies, milk powders, noodles, baby soaps, toothpicks etc. Endorse them and success will follow you have Guruji’s blessings.

[Q] Smitha asks - Guruji, I recently completed my studies and started working . A co-worker tells me that if any of my male colleagues comment on my clothing or appearance, it amounts to sexual harassment and I must bring it to the notice of authorities. But I feel she is wrong and its a bit too harsh to take it that way. Am I right or she is right?

[A] Guruji - Dear Smitha, both of you are right and both of you are wrong too. In behavioural science, when someone compliments you for your belongings, it usually indicates their desire to have the same thing. Hence if the compliment from a male colleague is on your outer clothing such as “Hey this yellow trouser of yours is superb! where did you buy it” etc , you can safely exclude it from sexual harassment as he is a harmless cross-dresser who desire to have the same clothing(btw, same is the reason why books like “7 Habits of Highly Successful Yet Moronic People” get sold like hot cakes). However if the comment is on you appearance, such as “Hey that T-shirt of yours looks tight, someone can get hurt with those sharp edges, watch out” etc, his intentions and thoughts sure are evil and it amounts to harassment.

Alright children, time for Guruji to leave as he has a darshan coming up with his carpentry contractor and has to mentally and physically prepare for the same.

1 comment: