Saturday, July 12, 2014

Guruji Speaks - Ethics

Men, women, children and others,

Guruji has returned to the material universe  once again to hear from you all and to enlighten you all. He has arrived on the dais and you may now get started with your questions and concerns.

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, you are a proponent of tall statues as a one-stop solution to all our problems and perils. Now that the government has set aside a ton of money in the new budget to construct one, will that make you happy ?

[A] Guruji - Absolutely my son, no erection had ever made Guruji so happy as this one after Pharaoh Khafra told him in 2602 B.C about his plans to build The Sphinx. Guruji foresee that this peerless statue will become a huge morale booster to a nation with 70% of it's population waking up in the morning with nothing to poo out. 

[Q] Namita asks - Guruji, I’m a college student, all my friends are now having beautiful tattoos done on their skin, hence I too want to have one done. But my mother says tattoos are a sign of  moral laxity and I am not allowed to get one done. How can a drawing of a butterfly or a flower on the skin make one immoral?

[A] Guruji - Dear Namita, drawing a tattoo on your skin will never make you an immoral person, unless that skin is thereafter used for malicious purposes such as hooking/hustling or more sinful activities like performing Bollywood item numbers that titillate kaamdev-in-waitings to harass poor girls on the road  for the crime of belonging to the same gender. So go ahead and get it done if your conscience is clear is Guruji’s advice to you. Also with his sixth sense Guruji foresee your next question and will answer that too here - It is best drawn on the exposable fringes of an unexposable body part to get maximum exposure.

[Q] A concerned mother asks - Your Holiness, I’m deeply concerned about my college-going daughter. My worry is about her friends circle. She is under peer pressure to get some tattoos done on her body. According to her it will make her look more ‘cooler’. I’m worried whether my daughter is growing up as an inconsiderate, self-centered, irresponsible person with all this?

[A] Guruji - Dear concerned mother, your concerns are valid, evil aspects of modern life like skin tattoos can spoil our next generation as the tattooed skins are widely used for malicious purposes like Bollywood item numbers and even worse - in cosmetic advertisements. As a parent, you must do everything possible to stop kids being trapped into these things. The best way to stop your daughter from getting that evil tattoo done is to have you get one done yourself; because for kids, something that their parents have will no more be attractive and 'cool'. And if it’s something more cooler and radical compared to the butterfly that your daughter may be planning to carve on her skin, like a wine glass with a serpent around, a topless mermaid, or even a Justin Bieber portrait, you have Guruji’s assurance that not only your daughter, but nobody in your next three generations will ever talk about the subject of tattoos thereafter.

[Q] Smitha asks - Your Holiness, if people elect a leader with an overwhelming majority and if that leader fails to deliver, should we blame the leader or the people who elected her/him ?

[A] Guruji - Neither. We should blame comic books. They created superheros that the said people read in their childhood which influenced them to make the said electoral decision.

[Q] Mr N asks -  I have a small business that is slowly picking up. I now need to appoint a trustworthy accountant. I've shortlisted  two candidates - one male and one female. Before a final decision , I would like to know whether men or women, who are more ethical in general.

[A] Guruji - Son, ethics is not a quality that is gender dependent - unlike self-discipline or cleanliness, where men win hands-down, especially when the women are away visiting their parents.  Now, to your question of trustworthiness - In General vampire bats are more ethical, as they have never tried to conceal with cosmetic creams the biological fact that they are bloodsuckers.

Ok children, time for Guruji to depart, he shall meet you same place, same time next week, unless a constitutional amendment makes his existence illegal. 

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