Saturday, June 22, 2013

Guruji’s column - Part 1

Ladies, Gentlemen and Guruji’s disciples ,

Guruji as you would have already known through news channels was on a life-saving relief mission to an epidemic hit national Cricket governing council headquarters of a third world country whose name cannot be disclosed here for privacy reasons. The name of the epidemic also cannot be disclosed, as the mere mention of it according to medical experts can spread it to other parts of the world. Now here he is, at your service my children, to listen to your grievances and render relief.

[Q] Jojimon writes from Electronic City - Your Holiness, I spend a considerable amount of time stuck at traffic signals everyday. Are there any yoga techniques that I can practice during this time that can help me eventually live longer?

[A] Guruji:- Dear mon, “eventually live longer” is an oxymoronic statement and Guruji won’t support such rapacious needs. However if the objective is to generally live longer than an average Bangalore motorist, you can practice Guruji’s patented “breathless-asana”, a technique by which you hold your breath as long as possible so that you breathe less of the polluted air and ultimately live longer. It doesn’t guarantee you will breath longer though. For a detailed training, please enroll at the Ashram’s Yoga school for a fee of ..well, lets keep the meager material matters aside .

[Q] Abu asks from Abu Dhabi - Guruji, My problem is a toilet cleaner TV  advertisement model. She keeps coming on the screen saying "It's for you...because you are so special". Should I trust her and buy it ?am I really special for her?

[A] Guruji:- Abu, toilet cleaners generally are not spiritually pertinent topics for Guruji to advise you on, but since you have a model involved, this is also a matter of allurement and thus of soul, Guruji will help you. Guruji had a look at the said advertisement, there are certain parts of what she says that is not audible to normal human ears, but Guruji being a Hathayogi, could. Her statement ends like this - "..because you are so special, you half-baked baboon brain". Now if you buy into that statement in it’s entirety, go for it.

[Q] Anamika asks from Andheri -  Is god really there?

[A] Guruji:- No, she's not here.

[Q] Srinivas writes from Hyderabad - Guruji, you have many ashrams across the world, and you travel there often as well. Isn't crossing the seas a sin ?

[A] Guruji:- Not at all my son, if you have a bunch of primates to pave your way.

[A] Kalyani writes from Kalyan - Guruji, my parents don’t want me to wear jeans, a dress that I like very much. They say it’s too ‘exposing’ and is against our traditional values. Is this correct? can’t I wear what I like?

[A] Guruji:- Dear Kalyani, your parents are absolutely right, we must protect our values wherever possible, especially those vaporizable through garments. However, this need not demotivate you, as we have a rich clothing tradition too. Find a few “cool” ones among them. Guruji got a few recommendations just for you HERE and HERE. Start wearing them, you have Gurujis’ assurance that your parents will be not only happy but be proud of you as well for upholding the values.

Ok children, it's time for Guruji to go, do send your queries, Guruji is always at your service, unless another ailing Cricket council / mafia gang  / both of the above seeks his benediction.

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