Saturday, June 29, 2013

Guruji's column - Part 2

Hello Children!

Guruji needs no introduction, especially when there is not enough screen real-estate to introduce. Hence he will directly start addressing your questions this time.

[Q] Deepthi asks from Delhi- Guruji, when I call the customer care of my credit card company to get some wrongful debits corrected, they keep saying “your call is important to us” but never picks my call. Why do they do this? I’m sick and tired. If I’m important to them, why are they not picking my call?

[A] Guruji:- Deepthi dear, Guruji see frustration in your words, a very bad trait for one to have indeed. Frustration leads one to many a misdemeanour. In such situations, you can chant the following Guruji-mantra 101 times (visualize the customer support persons in front of you when doing so) - “Oh dear unprocreated, art thou dunderhead? Ye bombaclats, thou shalt be reborn unseeded mules”. Your frustrations will recede and you will feel a lot better.

[Q] Nikhil from Doom School asks - Sir, I’m a highschool student, my ambition is to study well, get a good degree and take up a job where I can serve the society . Can you suggest how should I proceed?

[A] Guruji:- Nikhil bete, firstly never address your spiritual guru ‘sir’, like you do to your school teachers as he is much above them, in terms of beard length he mean. Coming to your doubt, One can never have a good degree, yet do things useful to the society. If you attain a high degree, you will end up working for the tax evading private sector / tax sucking public sector or as a middle agent of both, that we call a “financial institution”. Best thing to do if you want to serve the society is to stop studying, take up a job with the municipal cleaning department, they serve the society better than anybody else.

[Q] Varkey asks from Varkala - Swamiji, why no marriage for you spiritual gurus?

[A] Guruji:- Makane Vakrey, with Guruji’s sixth sense he sees what you are hinting at. The answer is a simple law of the nature - that a river fish never likes to be an aquarium fish.

[Q] Pandit Pandurang asks from Pandavapura -  Mahatman, I'm an astrologer, I  make a living by selling yantras, birth stones etc. Though I’m in this eternal business for a while now, god hasn’t been very kind to me as I still am not getting enough business to buy even a meager Rolls-Royce that I want. What should I do ?

[A] Guruji:- Pandurang, don’t blame god for your unfulfilled desires, blame Rolls-Royce instead, for not making bicycles. And keep serving your customers, you have Guruji’s words that your business will prosper. There is no shortage of imbeciles in this world my son.

[Q] Amar from Ghatkopar asks - Guruji, I work for a bank, in the loans department to be precise. My question is, for a religious person like me, is it a sin to have interest put on my customers?

[A] Guruji:- Son, be specific, Guruji needs to know your orientation and marital status to decide whether the interest that you have on the customers is sinful or not.

Ok children, Guruji is in a different timezone and its time for him to retire to his sleeping chamber, may Guruji's blessings be with you, till you bathe it off.

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