Sunday, June 16, 2013

Guruji’s column - Part 0

Ladies, Gentlemen and Guruji’s Disciples,

Guruji is back from his long and eventful pilgrimage. Guruji as you know already is a living archetype of the perpetual truth that the knowledge that one acquires by his own expeditions, experiences and experiments is something that no library in this world can offer. Of course Guruji hasn’t gone to The Himalayas as you thought wrongly to acquire this wisdom, as he did not want to pollute the serene and scenic mountains and further melt the already disappearing glaciers. Instead he chose to drive from home to office and back every day, an occasion that gave him endless hours at signals where he could meditate, hold scholarly and informative spiritually rich debates with car-scratching motorcycle-bound fellow sadhus and thus ultimately attain his nirvana - of patience. Here he is at last, to impart you with true knowledge on life, spirituality and death-after-life my dear children(please take it only in a metaphysical sense, not physical and start asking Guruji for inherited property share).

Guruji’s answers to doubts and questions received from disciples this week herewith, do write to Guruji to find answers for all your spiritual problems.

[Q] Sampat Kumar writes from Chennai :- Guruji, I was born with a silver spoon in mouth, lived all my life that way, enjoyed everything that money can buy. Now what I want to know from Your Holiness is, what is the ultimate pleasure one can attain?

[A] Guruji :- Son, my first advice to you is to remove the spoon and tuck it away in the other end of your food pipe for a change.  To answer your question, the ultimate pleasure is what you attain when you get to do a good scratch on your itching bottom.

[Q] Duryodhan writes from Kurukshetra :- Your Holeness, why do you use third-person when you refer to yourself?

[A] Guruji:- Son, firstly it’s “Holiness” that you should use when addressing Guruji and keep the “Hole-ness” to yourself. To answer your question, Guruji has already achieved his nirvana in first-person and second-person in his “poorvashrama”, hence he is in third-person now.

[Q] Nathalia writes from Kyrgyzstan -  Guruji, I would like to come to your Assram and become your disciple and serve you, what should I do?

[A] Guruji:- Very noble thoughts my dear young girl(Aren't you?), you could be the third-person singular Guruji just spoke about. Wear a modest white cloak (and nothing else) and wait, your time will come. Guruji has commanded the government to allot a few hundred acres of land to construct the humble Ashram. And also, the correct Sanskrit word is Ash-ram and not Ass-ram as you mentioned, though they may sound the same in English.

[Q] Thirunavukkarasu Thirumavalavan from Thiruvananthapuram asks - Guruve, is there an ultimate truth? If so what is it?

[A] Guruji:- Yes, my son, but there is a long and a short answer for this. The long one is already there in your identity mentioned above, and the short one is Hitler’s mustache.

Do write in your questions and doubts on spiritual matters to Guruji through this page my dear (metaphysical) children, Guruji is always at your service; when he has nothing better to do he mean. His (currently virtual) Ashram will publish the answers in this blog. Till then, may Guruji’s blessings be with you all, and try not to come his way riding a motorbike.

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