Ladies, Gentlemen and disciples of all spiritual gurus,
Guruji is back in his Ashram, he will address your concerns now, let us get started.
[Q] Mahesh asks - Your Holiness, a recent global survey says India has more slaves than any other parts of the world. What does it indicate?
[A] Guruji - Mahesh, it indicates that we have a bigger voting population than other parts of the world.
[Q] Anonymous asks from Mumbail - Guru, I have spent 12 years in jail for cheating my investors, and have now came out. Now I am a changed individual and want to do something good for the society. Can you please advise me?
[A] Guruji - Son, If you want to do something good for the society, Guruji advise you to take up social service by joining a political party or religious group. This way you will soon get to go back to the jail and that will be the best thing you can do to the society - to stay away from it.
[Q] Sam asks - Mr. Guruji, recently a spiritual guru had a vision that there is gold underneath a temple and archaeology department is now digging there. Were you ever had such dreams?
[A] Guruji - No son, but he will soon have one, when his paddy fields are coming up for plowing.
[Q] Aruna asks - Guruji, more and more men are turning to getting a ‘face-lift’ with cosmetic surgeries, fairness creams etc. Does that indicate a changing male mindset?
[A] Guruji - No Aruna, it only indicates that men are a lot dumber than you originally thought.
[Q] Ram asks - Guruji, you were not in Ashram last week and hasn’t given us darshan. Were you on a pilgrimage ?
[A] Guruji - No son, he was on a mission to help an aspirant politician who is an ardent disciple of his, to teach him facial yoga techniques to bring more innocence to his otherwise woolfy face, as elections are on the way in his part of the world. However Guruji has failed in this mission and has now sought some direct divine intervention to help him.
[Q] Juhi asks from Juhu - Guruji, why they say diamonds are women's best friends?
[A] Guruji - Juhi, that’s because 'they' are into diamond business.
[Q] Anamika asks - Guruji, I recently broke with my boy friend over a petty fight. Now I repent it and want to get back to him. What is your advice to me?
[A] Guruji - Anamika dear, Guruji’s advise to you is not to use this spiritual forum as an alternative to your kinky, stupid tabloid q&a columns.
[Q] Prem asks - Guruji, right-wing extremism or left-wing extremism more desirable for a society like ours?
[A] Guruji - Son, for a society like ours, water closets for everybody is more desirable.
Ok children, Guruji has to leave now as he is feeling lazy on a cool sunday morning to operate the computer any further. See you all next week if his Bangalore airport taxi rides this week don’t take him to the heavens.