Sunday, October 27, 2013

Guruji's Column - Part 18

Ladies, Gentlemen and PM-aspirants,

We are glad to announce that Guruji has kindly agreed to spare an hour with you this weekend in spite of his busy weekend schedule chasing the rats out of his car hood. He has arrived on the dais, let us get started.

[Q] Juhi asks - Guruji, many researchers say that women got better multi-tasking skills than men. Why?

[A] Guruji - Juhi, this is true and can mainly be attributed to the division of labour existed between the two genders in the initial days of humanity. Ancient men were focusing single-mindedly on killing wild boars while women had to cook, rear kids and watch their rear from bear attacks simultaneously. Even in the modern day life, things didn’t change much. Manicuring while making sure the banana-egg yolk facial mask doesn't fall-off when you are microwaving yesterday's curry for lunch and also parallely sharing postnatal weight gain concerns with your friend over phone, all these when counting the number of pressure-cooker whistles is a job that demands tremendous multi-tasking skills while changing the channels on a remote doesn’t demand not only multi-tasking, but no particular skills at all.

[Q] Aishwarya asks - Guruji, what is the difference between a brand ambassador and a model ?

[A] Guruji - Dear Aishwarya, it is the same between a mistress and a hooker, tenure and commitment levels differ slightly, though the service done is same.

[Q] Max asks - Your Holiness, you take vibhuti out of thin air and distribute during your darshans. Now that prices are shooting up, can you fetch us some onions instead this season?

[A] Guruji - Son, one must understand that a spiritual guru will not and shall not use his powers to fulfill his disciples’ material desires. Vibhuti or sacred-ash is something spiritualistic, something holy that is food for one’s soul and not for the physical body. Hence Guruji may be using his powers to fetch vibhuti out of cosmic space but will not for fetching onions or petrol. Moreover, holding a kilo of onion will make his holy armpits smelly and heavy compared to a few grams of vibhuti.

[Q] Pia asks from Mumbai - Guruji, how do you compare deep religious faith and religious fundamentalism?

[A] Guruji - He would compare them like a cracker maker and a bomb manufacturer - Though the basic ingredients used are same, the former only uses them to pollute the environment with some sound and smoke while the latter uses them to blow-off your bottom.

[Q] Ram asks - Your Holiness,  you have done many eternal travels and have been to heaven and hell multiple times. What is the  main difference between life in both these places?

[A] Guruji - Son, the only difference is that in hell banks levy interest on loans and pay interest on savings while in heaven it is the other way.

[Q] Ram asks - Guruji, are you saying that life on earth is same as in hell?

[A] Guruji - No son, there is one big difference, out there you don’t have to elect someone to eat your own tax money as you are already dead.

Ok children, Guruji has to leave now. We shall meet again next week unless the cholesterol gods doesn’t demand Guruji to leave his current incarnation and take birth as a wild boar .

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