Saturday, January 4, 2014

Guruji Speaks - Forgiveness

Ladies, Gentlemen and Brand Ambassadors,

Guruji had been on mission to recover and rehabilitate a large number of destitutes who were kept at a distance by the mainstream society for a long time for their lack of grey matter content in brain. Guruji’s efforts has been focused on giving them a new life by empowering them to acquire some human skills that will enable them to lead normal life. Here he is for you, just returned from his mission to the Big Boss House. Do get started with your questions.

[Q] Miss.K asks - Guruji, I started my career with a leading advertising company six months back. A senior male colleague often tries to take undue advantage of me by purposely patting on my shoulders or cheeks on the pretext of appreciating my work. I hate him and often think of taking revenge on him by some or other means. How should I deal with this situation ?

[A] Guruji - Dear K, as Guruji mentioned in this forum multiple times, hatred and vengeance are no solution to any problems. One must practice forgiveness and remission because only by forgiving that you can educate such sinners to become better human beings. Guruji would advise you to pardon your colleague for his misdeeds and next time when this happens, you must also pat him back on his cheeks instead as a truly good-hearted person. Make sure that your patting goes at a rate of 4000 newtons force that he needs a couple of molar replacements but. He will behave well thereafter with your this display of forbearance Guruji assure you.

[Q] Uma asks - Guruji, it’s been a very long time since we humans originated and by now we have somewhat mastered the art of procreation, mate selection tactics and stuff like that. Yet a lot of research reports come out every year with something even our primate forefathers new such as “Study proves women find armpit smelling men less attractive", "Survey shows men prefer women with bigger boo..”

[Guruji’s Blog Editor] :- Sorry to intervene.. this is a spiritual forum..

[Q] Uma - I was to say boot-heels. Guruji, my question is - why people are still interested in such researches ?

[A] Guruji - Dear Uma, there is nothing wrong in such researches. Say we humans have been eating chicken for thousands of years now, both raw and cooked. Yet when a new fried-chicken restaurant opens, you throng there, though it still will be the same old chicken in a new packet. And none of these restaurants have gone out of business for the reason that chicken is tasting the same from pre-historic times. Because flesh businesses always has a market, then,now and in future.

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, in your opinion, will the Aam Aadmi party victory in Delhi have far reaching impacts in the Indian political spectrum?

[A] Guruji - There is a short answer and a long answer to this question. The short answer is “Yes” and the long answer is “No”.

[Q] Ram asks - Your Holiness, I am taking up a pilgrimage to all the major religious shrines in the country. What are the most important things one should carry along while on such a pilgrimage that can make the journey more fruitful ?

[A] Guruji - Garbage bags.

[Q] Manoj asks - Guruji, I recently visited a religious shrine in South India where they insisted I take off my shirt before entering the premises. The same place also doesn’t allow women wearing jeans to enter as well. Why such barbaric rules and regulations still prevail in our society ?

[A] Guruji - Son, you must realize that every religious ritual has it’s own symbolism associated and you must not take it in it’s literal sense. For example, when you light a candle or lamp in a shrine, you are symbolically burning the bottoms of all evil spirits around you such as rakshasas, yakshis, reality-show producers etc. The ritual of removing your shirt symbolically reminds you of the importance of humility in one’s life. Because, only when you come across such pre-historic practices will you realize that we humans have not all that evolved from primates. That realization - that you still are a monkey with a smartphone  - will help you stay humble in life.

[Q] Karthik asks - Guruji, I am a university student, I was forced by my parents to study science while I wasn’t interested in that subject. I want to be a movie actor like my celluloid heroes and wants to work towards that. Under these circumstances, I’m sure going to be a dropout from college soon. Can you please predict what will be my future?

[A] Guruji - Son, under these circumstances no prediction is possible on your future, as predicting something thats not going to be there is impossible.

[Q] Kumar asks - Guruji, should I feel happy about receiving an automated “New Year Greetings”? If so why?

[A] Guruji - Yes, you should feel good about it because if you are reading it that implies you are not brain-dead unlike the sender.

[Q] Anonymous asks - Your Holiness, I was a leading editor-in-chief and a political think-tank of my country till recently when I was caught and put in jail for misbehaving with women. I repent it now and would like to come out as a good human being. What is your advice for me ?

[A] Guruji - Son Think-tank, start using your brain instead of your sperm-tank to think, you will do better in life.

Ok children, Guruji got to leave now, he will converse with you sometime in future, though he cannot commit when as he is taking up a long journey in search of truth, of which he knows nothing right now when/where will it end, as he is going to the transport department office to have his driving license renewed - without paying bribe.


  1. Guruji ka gyaan - chamatkar, chamatkar.

    May his behind be blessed by booo.....

  2. Now I feel better about all the automated New Year greeting msgs I got!