Sunday, January 19, 2014

Guruji Speaks - Social Networking

Ladies, Gentlemen and Twitterati,

His Holiness Poojya Shri-Shrimat-Shrimaha Guruji Maharaj has arrived on the (equally long) darshan-dais and will hear your grievances now. Do get started.

[Q] Anonymous asks - Your Holiness, I am a 24 year old business executive who is heavily into social networking from my college days. But my current girlfriend suspects that I do this mainly to woo other girls and she wants me to unfriend all my female social network friends, else she will 'expose' me. Isn't it unethical for ones own girlfriend to expose him? What should I do now?

[A] Guruji -  Son, it indeed is unethical for any current girlfriends to expose a man in front of his future ones, especially if there are things about him that when 'exposed' can look mean to those futures. In that case you must unfriend, unfollow and whatever other social un-networking you can do to your current and start following, friending and fuc..

[Guruji’s Blog Editor] :- Your Holiness, we are into spirituality!

[A] Guruji - [..shaant ho ja Editor Bete, we still are]..fuchting your future ones.

[Q] Anonymous and Guruji’s Blog Editor jointly asks - Guruji, what does “fuchting” mean?

[A] Guruji - It is a term used in social networking to indicate one’s intense desire to get networked with a certain other person.

[Q] Anonymous asks  - Guruji, I have been in the social networking world even before my parents were born,  but I never heard such a word before?

[A] Guruji - Guruji would like to ask you since when have you heard the word “social networking world” itself anyway. You sure are born before your parents, but must remember that Guruji sees future, so stop worrying about the word and start practicing it, the word will find its way in, Guruji assure you.

[Q] Sooraj asks - Guruji, what is your opinion about Aam-aadmi party?

[A] Guruji - Son, a true spiritual guru ought to stay away from politicking, partying and similar material subjects unless it give him material pleasures and hence Guruji won’t comment on this topic. However, he would like to remind you that Aams are seasonal fruits, and artificially ripened ones sold in the city markets are toxic too.

[Q] Laxmi asks - Guruji, I hear that airlines and aviation authorities all over the world are planning to lift the ban on using mobile phones in-flight. Will it have any adverse impact on air travelers?

[A] Guruji - No dear, it will not, provided you take the right safety measures. Guruji’s ashram has started supplying wearable spiritual ornaments such as his Blessed De-demonizer earplugs which will protect air passengers by casting out mobile-daemons or mombies that may attack them taking advantage of this policy change. Mombies  by the way are evil spirits that are loudspeakers permanently plugged into cellphones and have the power to trade your soul by sitting next to you in public places and passenger carriers.

[Q] Kumar asks - Your Holiness, I’m a 30 year old computer software professional, now on the lookout for a suitable bride. I am looking for one who is “traditional, but with a modern outlook”. Where should I start my search?

[A] Guruji - At Hindustan Motors - an Ambassador with power-steering will suite your definition.

Ok dear children, time for Guruji to leave, as he has a special darshan to give to scientists from a space research organization who are seeking his advice on the next suitable muhurta they can send taxpayers money to the moon. He will meet you same time, same place again unless Lady-fate has other plans for him.

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