Thursday, December 3, 2015

Guruji Speaks - Intolerance

Ladies, Gentlemen and Cash cows,

Guruji has ended his long maun-vrat he had taken up in response to the tax department’s increasing intolerance towards his offshore accounts. Now that good days have come for spiritualists like him, he is here to address you all, do get started with your questions and concerns.

[Q] Ramya asks - Guruji, people say that intolerance is on the rise in our part of the world. As a sage who had seen many different generations of our society, do you think this is correct?

[A] Guruji - Dear Ramya, this is incorrect because sociologically speaking  intolerance is a form of energy which will neither rise nor fall. That means it can neither be created or destroyed and can only be converted from one form to another. For example, 
--When your intolerance to stinking neighbourhoods decrease, your intolerance towards what your neighbours pooped in the neighbourhood will increase and you will cry out “No one can poop monkey meat in my vicinity!”. 
--When your intolerance to other people’s false goddesses increase, your intolerance to own equally false goddesses will decrease. 
--When your intolerance to tax money being spent on PR by your government decrease, your intolerance to those who question it will increase. 
--When your intolerance to people who make noise on increasing intolerance increase, your intolerance to noises in general will decrease. 
--When your intolerance to the qualifications of your education minister increase, your intolerance to ineffective education system will decrease. 

[Q] Samir asks -  Guruji, is it ethical for somebody to eat animals worshipped by others ?

[A] Guruji -  Son Samir, it is absolutely wrong and unethical to eat animals worshipped by others, provided the said animals are endangered, vulnerable, stolen, rotten, uncooked, alive, rearing, torchered, buried, poisoned, plagued or politicked.

[Q] Chottu asks - Guruji uncle, why is that we celebrate Nehru's birthday as Children's day? Isn’t it better to celebrate the birthday of somebody else who we children are more fond of, say Mickey Mouse’s as Children’s day?

[A] Guruji - Dear Chottu, children’s day is celebrated to build awareness among parents how to bring up their children so that they lead a successful life. Nehru was somebody who was highly successful in this, with his child, her children and their children succeeding in governing a country for many decades. Hence he is considered a role model for everybody who got children, and his birthday is celebrated as children’s day. Mickey Mouse on the other hand remained same like the rest of us throughout his life - a cartoon character.

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, what is the difference between being extremely spiritual and being fanatical ?

[A] Guruji - being naked in your bathroom is different from being so on the streets my son.

[Q] Miss. Q asks - Guruji, I am the chief minister of a state in my part of the world, I would like to impose full alcohol prohibition in my state as elections are coming up and I can secure a good amount of votes through this action I think. But I am also worried whether it will cause more unrest and catastrophes like hooch tragedies in future ? What is a good solution for this situation?

[A] Guruji - Dear Q, you can go ahead and impose full prohibition in your state without any worries, you have Guruji’s blessings. Guruji shall direct the federal government in your part of the world to form more Union Territories around your state for the welfare of your alcoholic population .

[Q] Vinod asks -  Guruji, isn’t it wrong to appoint unskilled people at the helm of premier institutes in the country ? Shouldn’t it be the experts in the domain who should head them?

[A]. Guruji - Son, this thinking is wrong - that only experts have the expertise to do things. If that was the case we wouldn't have had Bollywood, Yoga Gurus or Public Works Departments in our solar system. An inclusive society is one that gives everyone a chance; irrespective of they are skilled-experts or serial-killers.

[Q]  Sevak asks - Guruji, I live abroad comfortably, but I would like to have all those unfortunate souls in my home country who question wrongdoings there to be deported to a hostile, poor neighbouring country. Some people say I am not entitled to demand so. Can you advise ?

[A] . Guruji - Son Sevak, there is nothing wrong in what you think. For a cow -  any cow, not the cow that you are thinking about - grass always is green in the meadows and she should go there and graze as much as she can. There is nothing wrong and it is her right to complain about the filthy barn she herself dirtied before leaving. This is completely natural and normal behaviour for any animal whether it is a cow or an extremist-expat.

Ok children, time for Guruji to take leave as he is taking up a world tour to enlighten his overseas followers and preach them on the need for tolerance, love and compassion towards the thugs back home who burn  their neighbours bottoms for the crime of existing. 

1 comment:

  1. Guruji, I liked the way you answered the Children's Day question.