Saturday, January 2, 2016

Guruji Speaks - God's Guards

Ladies, Gentlemen and Political Sports Administrators,

Guruji’s holy-bottom has been placed on the dais for the special new year holy-darshan. Do get started with your doubts and concerns.

[Q] Leela asks - Guruji, I'm totally confused about this whole thing of democracy in my country. What is wrong when in opposition turns right when in power and vice versa across political parties. Who should I vote next time ?

[A] Guruji - Dear Leela, it is not a problem of democracy as a system but that of the society practising it which still spits and litter in public places, yet cry that the government is inefficient. On the question of who you should vote next time, Guruji advises you to wait till the elections. Media cheerleaders (or cheer-strippers, depending on which angle you look from) in your part of the world will decide it and issue you instructions accordingly.

[Q] Shyam asks - Guruji, I notice that in general women are more religious than men. I deduced it by observing that there are more temple, church going women than men in my part of the world. Why are women more pious traditionally?

[A] Guruji - Son, firstly Guruji advises you to get out of that roadside wall you are sitting counting temple-church going women and SPEND YOUR TIME TO DO SOMETHING MORE MEANINGFUL IN LIFE. Now to answer your question , traditionally no sane woman was religious as all the religions were created by men for their own convenience, one of them being keep women away in the kitchens and bedrooms (in that order). However no social setup can exist without  mass support, hence women were asked by their male masters to follow the order and pray and women fell prey. Since they are more committed to what they do, women became more religious over a period of time.

[Q] Shyam asks - Your Holiness, in that case what is your advice to  today's religious women?

[A] Guruji - The same (capitalized) advice Guruji gave you before holds good for them as well. 

[Q] Sevak asks - Guruji, I am a member of a self-service society, whose objective is to protect our religion and faith by lynching those whom we think are hurting our religious sentiments. Am I doing the right thing ?

[A] Guruji - Son Sevak, you indeed are doing a noble deed, of protecting the gods who have lately turned into a bunch of numb, hapless, unresponsive cement / stone structures or bookish heroes. You are their only hope, that with all the blood you sprinkle in their name will motivate and wake them up one day and they will start bestowing fortune and happiness all over you and your fellow members. 

[Q] Max asks - Guruji, I read somewhere that you are on a mission to modernize astrology and give it a new dimension all together. How is it coming up, what will be your version of astrology known as in future?

[A] Guruji - Son, it is ready and this new advanced branch of astrological studies will be called “Asstrology” 

[Q] Divya asks - Guruji, which is a better form of democracy - one lead by a president or a prime minister ?

[A] Guruji - Either form can work well dear, it all depends on how good the president or the prime minister is; as a showboat.

[Q] Ram asks - Guruji, what is your new year’s message to us disciples ?

[A] Guruji - Son, there is no new year or old year for an unworldly, spiritual person like Guruji. Calendars are mere tools created by humans to mark worldly events. A new year's day happens because of another cosmological spinning of our tiny planet like any other day. But in general his advice to all his disciples at the moment is to drink lot of water along as well.

Ok children, time for Guruji to take a break to drink some water, may his blessings and care be with you all. He will meet you here soon, unless he get roughed up by some or other god’s guards by then.

No comments:

Post a Comment