Saturday, September 28, 2013

Guruji's Column - Part 15

Hello Children,

Guruji has arrived on the dais, he will answer your questions now,

[Q] Urmila asks - Guruji, recently a spiritual leader said that if a woman address her rapist “Bhaiya” he will spare her. Is this true?

[A] Guruji - Of course Urmila dear, with such an emotional plea, any rapist will be forced to spare the girl if she do so, only thing she needs to ensure alongside is to grapple his nutsack such that his bhaiyahood spills out. And by ‘his’ Guruji mean the rapist’s or the spiritual leader’s if they are the same.

[Q] Sarala asks from Hyderabad - Guruji, Indian made children’s cartoons are becoming popular these days. I think they will help teaching our kids about true Indian values and virtues. What do you think?

[A] Guruji - He is thinking since when is plagiarism considered a virtue?

[Q] Anita asks from Allahabad - Your holiness, I am a homemaker and during my leisure time I like watching TV. Is it a sin watching TV ?

[A] Guruji -  Dear Anita, not at all. Watching TV is not a sin, if it gives you some relaxation. Switching it on is a cardinal sin though, chances are that you will be reborn a langur.

[Q] Tarun asks - Guruji, I am in love with a girl in my office, I have tried many ways to impress her including (but not limited to) cracking jokes in her presence, singing in the annual day, having Justin Bieber hairdo and stuff like that. But none of them seems to have worked so far. Can you please read her mind with your powers and let me know what I should do to win her heart ?

[A] Guruji - Son, without even reading her mind, Guruji can tell you that the girl thinks the stuff you have done - especially the hairdo part - are worse than a male hippo’s courtship behaviour. Guruji advises you to register with and wait for a girl of your cast and creed to come through.

[Q] Biplab asks from Kolkata - Guruji, why do most Indian spiritual gurus wear a ‘bindi’ on the forehead like women?

[A] Guruji - Son, for a woman, a bindi is considered a thing of beauty. We spiritual gurus are under no such hallucination that it can make us look beautiful, except when we are smoking pot we mean. We wear it to mark the blind spot in our frontal lobe.

[Q] Sam asks - Mr. Guruji, you claims to be possessing a lot of supernatural powers such as levitation capabilities. What stops you from performing it in public to demonstrate your powers then ?

[A] Guruji - Gravity.

Ok children, Guruji got to leave now, as he has to lent his holy bottom to a prime minister-in-waiting waiting to pay homage to it.

1 comment:

  1. Good, once again. There is a typo in the last question - thought should let you know.